December 11, 2005

Banished Words of 2005

Thanks, Woody.

I think there was a sunday school lesson where Jesus expressed the ideal of thinking and speaking with the purity of children. Along that line of thought, people who seek to mitigate, obfuscate, or just do a pest-poor job of making their message sound "new" by bastardizing the english language should be banished to a special kind of hell.

A kind of hell where they would be stuck in a room with linoleum floors, no windows, fluorescent lights, and tons of people in folding chairs, trying to talk over one another. Everything they say almost sounds like their native tongue, except it's all the same marketing jargon crap they've been spouting all these years. The sound reverberates off the floors, ceilings, walls. They can't escape it, just like we can't with their carpet-bomb ad campaigns. They could try to rip their ears out or plug them, but everyone is wearing mittens, and nothing else.

I thought it would be fun to add to the list as well, since there seems to be some terms missing.

Using "Fresh" to describe a new episode of something on the WB, which I find to be inaccurate. WB hasn't had an original thought for a series with the exception of "Everybody Hates Chris", or is that on UPN? I think the word "Steaming" might have been more appropriate, since it doesn't imply originality, just that whereever it came from, it hasn't cooled off yet. "Coming up next, another steaming heap of 'Everwood'..."

"TomKat" and "Bennifer". This is the kind of talk I expect escaping the braces-riddled, acne ridden face of some 14 year old girl at a slumber party, talking about some single person they don't like. Instead, it's college-age and twenty-somethings and older. It's bad enough that a man suffering from scientology is stuck on the fast-track to Michael Jackson's Crazy Town. Battering the english language with that fecal terminology is just over-the-top.

"Inviting _______ to resign" - You invite people to parties, weddings, get-togethers, etc. You notify people of funerals and give them directions to the church or whereever, but I've never seen a funeral that was by "invitation only." So WTF would anyone think it's going to be better to 'invite someone to resign' rather than 'tell them their fired unless they resign'. Are you going to invite someone to resign so you can send them on a YEAR-LONG TOUR OF THE WORLD?! Is there going to be cake and soda? Punch and pie? Baloons? Can they RSVP? How about if they not show up? Will you invite them to resign next time, or get the clue and stop inviting them altogether?

"To transition _______ to ______." First of all, Transition is a noun, not a verb. You can't transition one thing to another. The act of moving someone from a to b is called a transition, but the act of it is not 'transitioning'. I'm just as guilty of misusing words as most people and I'm thankful for those who correct me. Nevertheless, a fault on my part does not constitute justification for the fault of anyone else.

Now, on to my biology studying.

Posted by Jeffrey at December 11, 2005 9:01 PM
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