Woody Cavenaugh

Have you ever noticed that though grits and oat meal are both grain products served hot they are treated like entirely different dishes?

They both can be made in the microwave by just adding water. They are both a light industrial neutral color and both are bland in flavor.

Somewhere sometime someone did something that sent these two hot ceriels spiralling in different directions. But I have picked up the gauntlet. I have dared to see these two grain foodstuffs for what they really are. It is I who ripped down the jagged wall of food racism-"Foodism" if you will. I have brought peace to the shelves and microwaves of the world.

Currently grits are always served in a savery style, with some combination of salt, pepper, butter, cheese, ham, bacon, gravey, etc. Oatmeal is always served in a sweet style, with some combination of, sugar, brown sugar, mapel syrup, fruit, cinnamon and spices.

I have dared the undarable! I have thought the unthinkable! I have gone where no man and his microwave have ever gone before!

It all started with a box of warehouse store sized oat meal packets 55 to be exact. Of these 55 six were just regular oat meal. This is was to be the fertile ground that my unbounding genius would create.

Day One: Plain oat meal seasoned with powdered ham seasoning. To put it in terms of sound ham seasoned oat meal is like listening to a high end car stereo with the highs and mids missing. This needed something. Perhaps I should try adding ham seasoning to the mapel and brown sugar oatmeal. I could have Lexington Style Oatmeal! Another day perhaps...

Day Two: Plain oat meal seasoned with powdered beef seasoning. Much better. Infact this was pretty good eating. If I saw it in the store I would buy it. I would then use it as evidence in a court case against the mega-corporation bent on stealing my ideas! Then I would eat it.

Day Three: Plain oat meal seasoned with soy sause. I admit I didn't have high hopes for this one, but I was really surprised by how good it was. Then I remembered that rice is a grain too. Duh!

Day Four: I got back to simple. I had plain oat meal seasoned only with salt and pepper. Yum, and it didn't take but a dash of salt to do it.

Day Five: Plain oat meal with butter and black pepper. Mmmm Mmmm good! I would probably recommend this one to the sceptics out there who will no doubt try to mock me for my discoveries. They mock what they do not understand.

Day Six: Tomorrow. I am thinking cheese.

So out of five so far only one recipee needed work and it has the potential to finally give Lexington the place on the map it so despritely wants.

Success. I am a genius. You may bask in my greatness now.