I assure you, this IS a funny fencing story
This ia a funny story about fencing. Really. I admit the core of the story is anything but funny, but the hysterical events surrounding it couldn't have occurred without it. Either that, or I have a sick and twisted since of what's funny.
This story was related to me by Kathy Walters, who is not only our armorer, but a nationally rated USFA certified armorer.
Apparently in Denver recently at a NAC-D there was an accident involving a women's saberist. Someone established a point in line and she threw out a parry three to take right of way and initiate a repost. Her timing was off and her opponent's unbroken saber blade pierced her glove* and entered her wrist, the blade ran under the skin up to the elbow where it nicked a blood vessel. No one noticed this fact until the fencers returned to guard and one of them was spurting blood.
* The armors put their heads together and could only count six times that a similar injury has happened in the past two years. For a toy maker, babyfood maker, or any other industry, six accidents in two years does not even create a blip on the radar. In the sport of Fencing, if an accident occures six times in two years on the whole of planet Earth, its the same as a full scale CDC Red Alert pandemic. The spec on the saber blade was changed two years ago to be stiffer, thus helping to eleminate scoring by the blade whipping over the parry and striking valid target. This is not the problem. The problem was when using this new spec blade you were wearing your same old tired three weapon glove. In my case, my first three gloves were nothing but threads in the palms before I ever considered replacing them. My newest glove I consider in "new" condition and it has one hole from an unbroken epee blade going right through the soft, thin, supple, washable, leather material in the palm. Plans are underway as we speak both by venders and the world wide armoring committee to revamp the spec for the three weapon glove to prevent this accident from happening again. For now, it is up to the fencers to replace their gloves when they get worn. The glove is after all about the cheapest piece of fencing equipment you can buy.
Now for the funny part. (See I told you there would be a funny part).
When the accident occured, a very well oiled machine sets into motion getting the required, on site EMT to administer first aid while the bout committee gets an ambulance then gets the paramedics to the fencer in need. Outside of this well oiled machine however lives chaos and anarchy and every one of them is carrying a cell phone. Some well meaning fencer called 911 and reported a "stabbing", which though technically correct, wasn't the best descriptor under the circumstances.
Since it was called in as a "stabbing", the police had to be called to verify the location was safe before the paramedics could enter the building. Since the police and the ambulance was responding, the fire department must respond. So for a flesh wound caused by a fencing accident, we have a police car, a fire truck and an ambulance racing to the event location.
In route the police car is involved in an auto accident. The fire truck and the ambulance continue racing towards the venue. Just inside the parking lot the fire truck in involved in an accident. The ambulance, stuck in the back can't get close to the building. The paramedics take off running with their arms full of their standard kit. They run up ramps, up stairs, down stairs and find the accident scene. Once there they are immediately cussed out for taking too long by some fencer who happened to also be a Doctor. (This fencer was shown the door by the USFA event staff.)
The paramedics do what they can and (presumably) walk her to the ambulance to take her to the hospital. In route to the hospital the ambulance is involved in an automobile accident.
Wait, its not over yet!
The semi truck that hauls the tournament equipment across the US is going up to the loading doc to pick up the trailer. The truck is involved in an accident when it strikes the side of the building. The truck's axle is broken in the crash.
Wait, its still not over yet!
Our very own Kathy Walters, jumps into the the car with one of the USFA event staff. They back into the head armor's truck.
Ok, now its over. The score, one injury and five auto accidents.
The fencer by the way is fine, she had I heard, two surgeries to repair the damage and is expected to make a full recovery and continue fencing.
