Woody Cavenaugh

I always make the same two mistakes when I go to see my doctor. My first mistake is I am always optimistic that clean living will pay off. I eat well. Well, better than usual. I exercise. I exercise the government suggested ammount per week. So when I go to the doctor for a check up I expect to hear in addition to the fanfare about losing the government suggested two pounds per month, positive reinforcing things about my blood pressure. Instead of "Hey, your blood pressure is looking really good, we should lower your dosage such that you take the minimum ammount to maintain a healthy blood pressure." Instead I get "Hey your blood pressure is looking really good, here's a perscription for a years supply of the exact same thing." My reward for good behavior is more of the same liver damaging, can't be in the sun, chemical designed to keep me dehydrated. The logic is, the less water in my body, the less blood, thus lower blood pressure. I'm no doctor, but I play one with machines, why not we solve what is making my blood pressure high in the first place, instead of treating the symptoms. I guess that's why I always keep my acupucturist's card in my wallet.

My second mistake is honesty. I always thought you were supposed to be strait up and honest with your doctor, but there is no reward for this. I tell my doctor that every night during fencing between 7:30 and 8pm I get the sensation that if I don't sit down I will fall down. I spend the rest of the night coaching sitting down. Plus my coach always knows it is about to happen because the color drains out of my face just before I notice something is wrong. I am not the doctor here, but I am of the opinion that perhaps the dosage of the blood pressure medicine is too high and when I need my blood pressure to raise (during exercise) it can't, thus my symptom. Nope. That would be too simple, and worse yet, it doesn't indicate some new malady. Quick two big viles of blood to check for blood sugar, and other mean and nasty stuff! And now, enter Blinky my new pocket monster. Blinky has extra long ears which it wraps around me such that he can listen in on what is going on inside of me. At night he makes 800 number phone calls and blabs everything he's heard about me. I don't know who he's calling, but they don't speak english well there. They seem to speak Blinky's language just fine though. Here's what I learned about Blinky staying with me. If I am lucky blinky has to be with me every moment (except showering) for a whole month. Blinky finds nothing wrong. If I am unlucky blinky goes home in a week or two. Blinky solves the mystery and a cardiologist goes on my speed dial. So far he's pretty laid back, but we'll see what happens when I feed him after midnight.

It is enough to depress a guy. I'll bet driving the blue ridge parkway is beautiful this time a year.