Pain in my merry butt!
This blog entry starts with a familiar disclaimer: I love my wife. It should be obvious on account of the fact that I put up with all of the "quirks" that make her the wonderful woman she is, but for some reason, that doesn't translate into "Woman Speak"* so I have to state it out in a short sentence. Here it is again, just in case, "I love my wife."
I love my wife, but what is it about the holidays that makes something simple like a Christmas gift so difficult. The whole year long she makes mention of things that she thinks she would like. When the holidays come around I casually bring it up in conversation to see if there is still interest. As best as I can tell during the entire winter season she has no interest or opinion on anything up to and including if she finds the meal she is currently eating tasty. Tis the season of, "I don't know and I don't care, fa la la la la its up to you".
While this wall of non-commital reaches to the stars in every direction she throws out these little statements like, "Your present(s) just shipped!" Eventually I have no choice but to drop all pretense and say, "I'm in the process of getting you something for Christmas, I have asked you about a whole bunch of stuff and you have been completely uninterested in any of it."
You're probably thinking at this point that she is going to come back with something like, "Anything you get me will be wonderful." or even the ubiquitious "Surprise me.". Nope. I should be so lucky. What I get instead of "Surprise me" is "Hey, the bank account is getting pretty low, you'd better not get me anything. I don't want a check to bounce or anything."
I love my wife. If I didn't I'd be single, or at the very least a widower. I am ownz3d. I have two choices, obey and get her nothing while I am burried under a pile of the most wonderful swag, or disobey get her what I darned well please and pray we don't lose the house.
Since when have I ever obeyed? I'm going shopping soon and I'm getting what ever the heck I want to give her and if she doesn't like it... Well...if she doesn't like it I guess I'll keep it for myself. After all, if I let her return it she has learned nothing. That's right. I'm making the holidays educational. It will learn.
Or I will be killed in my sleep. Either way, I'll be sleeping in (or on) dirt for the new year.
* Woman speak is kind of like the language the adults speak in Charlie Brown, only unlike the Peanuts gang, I don't have a full grasp of the language. I just get clips and phrases.
Comments
Woody- I feel your pain. Jim is the same way, so it's not something that's regulated entirely to the female of the species :-D
Jim learned his lesson about being smart-assed about what he wants to the holidays- last year he cheekily said that he wanted an easy bake oven and a GI Joe with the kung-fu grip action and a cocktail dres... he got just that :-D
I, too, think the holidays are for teaching.
Posted by: Brandi | December 7, 2005 4:07 PM
26 years of being married to the same woman speaks: ( These are pearls of wisdom Woody....take notes.)
1. Get a gift.
2. There is middle ground in gift that breaks the bank and a some crud from a convience store.
3. Spend to much money and it may take the joy out of it.
4. Problem: Wife will not tell you what she wants.
Solution: Shotgun approach. This is a suggestion, you are a creative guy and will most likely come up with a better idea.
Buy a cool BIG basket and some of that grassy crap that goes in it. Now cover the bases.
( Note: I only know one thing about Sara's taste, so modify the list.)
Music: Get a CD. ( Loreena Mckenitt has a good Christmas CD...I know Sara likes her music.)
The Big Ones: ( Girly crud. jewelry; perfume...something like that if she is into it.)
Some craft/arty kind of thing if she is into it
Tickets to a play or movie theater.......gift certificate to restaurant. Any combination there of.
This is a good one because you can cash in on it as well.
A book. Hard back....sign some sort of mushy crud in the inside and date it.
Make something small for her. Put that lamp building skill to use. This is a good one and cheap
Okay....now...you have picked from the list and filled your basket. Cover the gaps with some good chocolate...or what ever she likes. A bag of expense coffee if she is like you in that regard. Make sure basket has a nice bow or something.
Posted by: Jim | December 7, 2005 6:02 PM
*snicker* ...Girly crud...
Posted by: Sara | December 8, 2005 8:48 AM
I love your wife, too, but I have to say Ike does this also. He'll spend too much money on my present, then say, "I don't want anything except a wallet/shaver/stupid man crud." Maybe I should shop for Sara and you should shop for Ike.
Posted by: Becky | December 8, 2005 9:39 AM
I am really bad at this gift getting and receiving thing. Sorry. I am bad at giving, because once I get someone's gift, why wait until Christmas to give it to them? I just think they should have it right then. Why? Impatience.
I am bad at getting gifts - cause I am just bad at figuring out what I want - largely because I recognize that the stuff that I "want" is all frivolous and unimportant. What is really important to me is the happiness of those around me, not material crud. You can probably couple all of that with some serious psycho babble about feelings inadequacy, of not being worth or deserving of christmas gifts and somewhere in there - you have your answers about why I "do that to you". All of that can probably be blamed on the naughty or nice thing that Santa has going on. ;)… Stupid Santa…
Sorry honey - you married an absolute loon
Posted by: sara | December 9, 2005 1:01 PM
>>>>I am bad at giving, because once I get someone's gift, why wait until Christmas to give it to them?
Were you and Jim separated at birth by anychance? :-D
Posted by: Brandi | December 9, 2005 6:38 PM