The Funny Thing About Family
One of the things I love the most about the holidays is it gives me an opportunity to connect to extended family members that I only get to see one time a year. It is probably also one of the only times you can have a professional journalist, a chicken farmer, a retired sewing machine mechanic, someone from the district attorney's office, and a fencing coach in the same room at the same time. There is always something to talk about when these events happen. Good times, and I am sure you all know I am sincere when I say that. Family is important to me.
But there is an odd thing that happens this time a year. It is like some sort of weird holiday based amnesia, or at the very least some good old fashioned holiday hypocrisy. I have never had a friend or enemy that didn't at some point put on their Captain Obvious tights and let me know that perhaps I could stand to lose a pound or hundred. With family, becomes a greeting. "Woody, great to see ya! I'm glad to see you are still eating well." Inevitably, if they have a gift to give me they will give it to me with sincere warmest wishes. I will accept it gratefully and count my lucky starts that I have family members who loves me enough to think of me and mine on the holidays.
Now, gifts come in two kinds. There are gifts for those close to you that were chosen carefully, with great thought that often answer a desire or need. There are also gifts for those you care a great deal about but you only see them once a year and don't have a real since of their wants or needs. You give this gift as a gesture of love and kindness and you mean it from the heart. Iit is generally a scattershot sort of gift though, one where you make up seven or so little gift bags all just alike. Nothing expensive, because you don't want to force the receiver into feeling like they owe you something back. These too are wonderful gifts.
The funny thing about family is that they can don cape and cowl and tell you in their best Captain Obvious way that you are infact still needing to cut back on the number of arctic seals you have been gobbling down each day, and in the very next breath, say "Merry Christmas" and hand you a gift bag filled to capacity with every known combination of sugar, coca, partially hydroginated somethingorother, and fat.
I have come to the understanding that what they are really saying is, "You are, have been and always will be a tubby butt. We love you, don't ever change." So next year, when I see you, and I hand you a gift bag filled to the top with Twinkies, I want you to understand, I love you, you need to eat a damn Twinkie or five, and you should start right now!
Happy Holidays,
