Woody Cavenaugh

Last week one of my friends was telling Sara and I about walking though the Eliot University Center on UNCG's campus, and passing a small group of girls who were waiting for a male friend down the hall. When the male friend realized they were waiting for him, he exclaims in a very loud and flamboyant way (emphasis on flame), "I'm the most popular girl in school!". The reason the story got brought up was because universities seem to always have certain social archtypes to fill, and this guy was clearly doing his duty to fill his niche.

Flash forward to last night's American Idol Greensboro. I am not a regular watcher, but since it was in Greensboro, I got interested and thought it was definitely worth a look. At one point a guy comes on to audition and he was flamboyant to the extreme, (emphasis on flame). He announced that he was from UNCG and he was the next American Idol. Sara and I looked at each other and agreed that it would be hysterical if it was the same guy from the previous weeks story. It turns out that it WAS the same guy. As he's doing his shtick working up to the point where he actually starts to sing, there was maybe three or four references to him being a UNCG student. I kept having this mental picture of UNCG administration dying just a little inside while they kept chanting the mantra "Any publicity is good publicity.". On the positive side, even though the guy didn't make it to holywood, it was clear he had a lot of fun hamming it up for the camera, so it wasn't all a loss.

There was a girl who came out in something that turned out to be lingerie, it was the kind of outfit that someone who was already a star could get away with wearing because the tabloids love that stuff. For someone who wasn't a star it looked ridiculous. I think she had real promise as a singer, but her chances were hurt by her outfit. I hope she trys again next year and wears something more mainstream. I'll bet she makes it.

There was a guy who came on and the minute he opened his mouth, I knew he was from Carteret County. There is an accent that only exist in a few island communities of Carteret County. This guy had that accent. Sure enough, when they put up his name and hometown, it was Salter Path. He did my birth area proud. Not only for being there and doing it, but for making it.

There was one guy, I think the last one they showed, he came in wearing his father's fireman uniform. I have this theory that I will call "Klinger's Syndrome". In the TV show MASH, Maxwell Klinger dressed in women's clothing in order to be sent home. In Klinger's Syndrome, the sufferer dresses in some insane way in order to be sent somewhere they want to go. In this case, Holywood. Hey, its either that or they are simply attention whores. In this guy's case, I don't think it was attention whoring though. He didn't have any of the other symptoms like loudness, obnixousness, flamboyance, etc. I felt bad for him because I knew the outfit was really hurting his chances of getting sent to Holywood. It did too. Fortunately for all of us he was so darned good, that he managed to squeek by on his voice alone. Had he been in street cloths, he would've been accepted immediately.

I couldn't talk about the show without mentioning this one last person. She was a character on the level of William Hung and they worked her into every teaser before every commercial break for the whole two hours. You know, I don't actually know where to start. I took a half page of notes on her. Should I start with the top, the bottom, the attitude, or the string of expletives? The first comment Sara had on her was the moment she show her doing a high kick in her mini-skirt. (one that required an "American Idol" logo to be placed strategically so the show wouldn't break any decency laws.) "Her coochie scares me." Actually, it scared me pretty badly too. When I asked Sara if I could quote her on that, she replied as if in a trance, "The power of christ compels you". It wasn't the last time Sara said that last night either. You know, even today I refuse to mention the contestant's name for fear I might somehow invoke her.

New Rule: If you are wearing a mini skirt you may NOT do high kicks. The exception to this rule is if you are on the Jerry Springer show, then it is required.

Next comes the sequined tube top. There are remarkably few women who can pull off wearing a tube top. I think that reason alone is why I love tube tops so much. One of my favorite bands, Reel Big Fish has a song called "Ban The Tubetop". Clearly these guys understand what I am talking about here.
On the 10pm news Mayor Holiday has a sound bite where he talks about how good the publicity of American Idol will be for the city. Clearly this was recorded before the show aired. Ok, in his defence, we can always fall back on the old adage, "Any publicity is good publicity." Getting back on a topic I so dearly love, the tube top. This woman could be a wikipedia entry on the tube top and the dangers therein.

As if to add insult to injury she not only wears exactly the wrong thing, she can't say a sentence without cursing in it. She was bleeped so much it sounded like a test of the emergency broadcast system. She might be good for TV ratings, but she was bad for humanity. After reading the Viewfinder BLUES blog about working the event, all I could imagine is poor Lenslinger pulling hazard duty as this woman rampaged around the place adding hours to the editor's work, as they had to bleep this, and cover that up.

I believe that there may be an American Idol subculture forming. While the mainstream Idol auditioners are really trying to sing their way to stardom, for this sub group, their goal is simply to be seen on TV. So much so that they will leave self respect and good taste behind. I am also the first to admit that "good taste" is in the opinion of the beholder. Technically, I suppose this subculture has a place on the show. The attention whores get you to start watching, the talent of the singers is what keeps you watching. If the ratings start to slip they can always bring back an attention whore for a segment. Who knows Tube Top just might raise Attention Whore to the level of a profession. Or did professional wrestling alreay do that?

All in all, of the cast of thousands that auditioned either 9 or 11 made it. Those they showed were really very good. I have not idea how that compares to other cities, but I hope in the end it was worth it. I came away kind of thinking "Wow, I gotta remember to stay away from that Greensboro place....oh wait."