Woody Cavenaugh

I was listening last night to the latest offensive and harassing voice mail from Vernon Robinson on the phone. This time to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies, some idiot is singing to me in true redneck fashion about how their politiical enemy was spending all of my money on illegal immigrants. It occured to me that the phone call was harassing, insulting, and not for a candidate in my district. Perhaps I should return the favor either with some phone calls of my own or maybe a lawyer's note. Then it occured to me that the candidate they were attacking is the one that really should be doing the lawyering. I started thinking back to all of the other heated political campains and how candidates took turns lying about each other. This candidate was AWOL from the national guard, this candidate was hated by everyone under him in the military. Look at this picture we made in photoshop with this candidate and a known traitor. If I had said any of the things above about any of you, I'd have found myself in court answering to either libel or slander charges.

Then it all became clear to me. They have an honor system. Honor among politicians as it were.

Look at it like this with these entirely made up ficticious examples.

"Vermin" of the Bloated Pachyderm Party accuses "Cockroach" of the Stubborn Ass party of being a child molester. The media goes wild with the story and Cockroach falls like a stone in the polls the only way Cockroach can combat it is to take Vermin to court for libel, slander or both.

They get to court and Vermin has to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Cockroach is a child molester. He made it up clearly, so he can't do it even though he has reams of color photos of Coackroach kissing babies at various Wally World grand openings. Instead, he takes the time in court under oath to prove beyone a shadow of a doubt that in 1979 Cockroach got drunk and slept with someone not of his wife at a party out of town. He also proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that Cockroach failed to file a tax return during his sophmore year of college. It is quickly forgotten that Vermin lied about the baby raping thing, because everyone's going goo-gah over the 1979 "One Night Stand-Gate" and the tax dodging incident. (Even though one of these may not have actually occured.)

So what have we learned? Politicians can say anything they want to about anyone they want to without any fear of repercussion. (They can also get past the "do not call" list.) So maybe what I really ought to do is run for Trinity or something and accuse Vernon Robinson of being an abuser of small furry woodland creatures. It clearly wouldn't even matter that I wasn't running "against" Vernon for the position or even in the same district. I'd be a politician and would only have to answer to the bloggers.

On the other hand, being a politician is a pretty slimy and disgusting job. I don't think I have the stomach for it. If I want to lie for a living I'll I do it honestly by writing fiction, or being an actor.