Woody Cavenaugh

I am in a position where every day I can witness the new fads and fashions, and happily rip them apart with my lunch friends. Don't get me wrong, I see lots of good use of clothing, but I also see my fair share of "WTF were they thinking??"

For instance just today I saw a girl in nice clean well fiting jeans, a tasteful pink top and a cute little white sweater. It would have been very flattering (and parent approved) except for one tiny little flaw. Her shoulder length hair had not been brushed this week yet. So instead of thinking about how nice she looked I was thinking instead, "BRUSH YOUR HAIR! You are not the star of Cold Case. She doesn't get away with it anyway." (In fact in recent seasons her hair has even been styled)

One of my lunch companions brought up that if you are going to wear a shirt that shows a little belly, your pants can't be so tight that it forms a roll of flesh at the waist line. Even if you need to eat a twinkie, you're going to look like you're the girl who ate Manhattan. Cam's rule of fashion is simple and elegant, you can wear a tight shirt or tight pants, you may choose only one. Sound advice.

Worn looking denim is all the rage now. I realize that most Americans of this age group are far too lazy to actually wear holes into their pants, so they buy the pants pre-worn out. Whatever, it's your dollar. I have a pet peeve connected to this however. When you wear pants with the holes in it I can at least imagine the possibility that you got your holes through honest wear and tear. When you wear the denim miniskirt with the holes in it, there is only one way you could have POSSBILY earned the wear and tear honestly, and that is by having sex in a car and tearing the hole in the skirt with the gear shift. So when you're walking around in your miniskirt with the holes in the butt I'm not thinking that you are someone who isn't afraid of a little work, I'm thinking you're cheap and easy. Is that the effect you were looking for?

Camo is also not that unusual, you can usually see camo pants on a daily basis. Here's a tip. If you choose to wear a green shirt with your camo pants, be sure that color green exist in the pants. You can wear any color you want with your camo and it will be fine, but if you choose green and it is a shade not already in your pants, you FAIL. Its that simple.

I have been noticing something new this year, its a thin lace button up overshirt. Often they have some ruffels in the front. I like the concept, but I haven't actually seen a proper execution yet. Two tips. One: Silly boy, these are for girls. Two: Wear it over a solid shirt not over a t-shirt with text printed on it.

Today for some reason I have seen maybe as many as six shirts that are plain except for a large number on the chest. Not a jersey, not even sporty really. It is just a shirt with a number. I have no problem with it personally, but for me thanks to this it has meaning WAY beyond what you're probably thinking. It makes me smile. :)

Dredlocks. Face it, white people will never be really good at this hair style. You can make it work in the back, but up top you look fuzzy. There is nothing you can do about this. Its the other mullet. Fuzzy on the top, Rasta in the rear.

A message to skinny girls who wear tank tops as their only shirt (as opposed to an undershirt). If we can see your ribs, eat twinkies until the condition improves. You don't look healthy even if you are. You may be perfectly healthy, just unable to gain weight, my tubby butt doesn't hold it against you (I'd probably injure you if I did anyway). I just don't think you want others thinking you have some kind of eating disorder.

Early in the spring the half-jacket started making an appearance among the ladies. This was a jacket, it could even be denim, long sleeved but in length it stopped just below the bust. I like it because it allows the wearer to do something different with the layering effect. Instead of the layers only showing at the neckline, the layer can now show lower. As summer came the material went from warm to mesh so now not only do you get that nice layering effect, you also add texture. It is shaping up that this half-jacket top is going to be this years Jessica Alba's Dark Angel inspired one shoulder top. However, there is something one should know when buying one of these. It fits BELOW the bust. It doesn't tie across it, it doesn't tie above it. If you buy the right size and wear it correctly, it will be a hit. If you don't, you'll look like a tard. We'll smile, we will wish you well, but we'll always be afraid that at any moment you're going to pick and lose a fight with an inanimate object. Don't do that.

Look for other tips and tricks in the next installment of BIG WOODY'S FASHION PARADE.