Woody Cavenaugh

I read this article this morning about an Ohio girl who was suspended because she was caught with a comb in school. This tap danced on my "outrage" button and so I am now on a mission. I will find this secret list of banned items and expose the dangers of combs and...stuff. I donno.

The Guilford County Schools Student Handbook a sprawling 94 page tome of enlightenment has this to say:

Rule 22 - Possession of a Dangerous Weaponor Other Instrument
Students shall not possess or conceal or transport any weapon or other instrument
that could cause or that is intended to cause bodily injury or other harm to another
or misuse otherwise acceptable objects in a manner intended to cause harm to
others at any time while a student is at school in any school building and on any
school premises, attending school-sponsored activities, on or about any schoolowned
or operated vehicle, off school property at any school-sponsored or school
approved activity or function or during any period of time when students are subject
to the authority of school personnel, and at any time when the student's behavior
has a direct and immediate effect on maintaining order and discipline and protecting
safety and welfare of students and staff. N.C.G.S. 115C-391(d1) mandates a 365-
day suspension for students in possession of dynamite cartridges, bombs, grenades,
mines, or powerful explosives. Fireworks are excluded from these provisions.
Consequences
• Elementary - Up to 10 days OSS. Confiscate weapon. Law enforcement will be
called. Repeated offenses may result in long-term suspension.
• Middle School - Long-term suspension up to 365 days. Confiscate weapon. Law
enforcement will be called.
• High School - Long-term suspension up to 365 days. Confiscate weapon. Law
enforcement will be called. Principals of high schools on a block schedule must
consult their School Support Officers prior to suspending a student out of school for
more than five (5) days.

Well, that doesn't seem so bad. It implies a comb is only a weapon when used as a weapon. I approve. Wait a minute, 94 pages and I couldn't even find a dress code? Hmmm...

Ok, the dress code for the county was strait forward enough. If you smell, or your cloths are disruptive, you are in trouble. The definition of "Disruptive" is left to the individual school. Aycock doesn't allow anyone to wear red for instance.
Wow, secret societies are banned in guilford county schools. Take that you Masons! And you, vile members of the Reel Big Fish fanclub. Ban the tube top!

Door to door selling is allowed up to twice a year and only by High School students. So you middle schoolers selling wrapping paper and stuff for your school are breaking the law.

You know, its odd. I really expected a list like the TSA post for things not allowed on airplanes.

It looks like in leu of a list, what is being said is "We get to decide on a case by case basis, what your child may or may not have subject to change at any time." So relax parents, your child will be suspended for the oddest things at any time. You can use common sense to help keep it to a minimum but basically if your child looks crosseyed, they will be suspended for having a book, and when they return to school without books, they will be suspended for not having their books.

My advice, save some vacation days and when the man goes all arbitrary on your kids backside, you can smile and enjoy a day at the zoo.

"OMG you got suspended for a ruler? What are you going to do now?"
"Me, I'm going to Disney land."

Meanwhile I will be quietly designing a training program so my children will be able to kill with a book, pencil, crayon, or white long sleeved polo shirt with between 2 and four buttons by the time they leave pre-K. You can never be too careful these days. People are killing Amish kids, no child is safe anymore.