Worst Hangover EVER
I spent a lovely evening with friends playing Mario Party, snacking, sampling each others collections of fancy smelly things and otherwise enjoying a night of fellowship and good will. There was a bit of wine available, but at most people were sampling only and me not at all. As the evening was winding down and people were starting to look for their jackets and dishes, the host with the most pulled out the grand finale. Before leaving we needed to sample from each of Jones Soda's 2005 holiday collection. Namely, Cranberry Sauce soda, stuffing soda, brussel sprout soda, turkey with gravy soda, and finally pumpkin pie soda. No, I'm not making this up.
There were eleven of us in the room and seven were brave enough to belly up to the table and have a sip of each concotion. Small plastic cups were spread out and one by one the seven of us sampled from each bottle. As we wanted to give each its proper due, we used a fresh cup each time and the last was trashed. Between taste, crackers were passed around to clean our pallets.
Cranberry sauce soda, tasted like cranberry soda with a splash of cinnemon. Not bad, wouldn't have it again by choice. This was the best of them.
Brussel Sprouts soda tasted like green soaked in butter. It was at this point that three of the seven chose to not swallow, but taste and spit. In this case it was more self preservation instinct than anything else.
The Stuffing soda tasted like a good hearty dose of celery salt stirred into a glass of Alka Seltzer. Sometimes even knowing a thing is safe isn't any consolation.
The Turkey and Gravy soda simply defied description. I am sure fouler things have been tasted, but not by anyone who lived to tell about it.
By the time we had the pumpkin pie soda it may as well have been vinegar and hobo socks, there were tears. Tears of pain by the tasters and tears of laughter from those who took the pictures of our self inflicted misery.
Every taster was about the same color green as the brussel sprout soda and thanks to god were given for the person who thought to bring peppermints to the party. The drive home was almost spooky as I wasn't sure what was about to happen or which end it was going to happen from. There was concrete in my stomach and it was bubbling. This is really an amazing thing as each bottle was only twelve ounces and each one was split seven ways. I only really had a taste of each one. Just over an ounce. Maybe seven ounces total.
I layed on the couch a time pondering my mortality while Sara went online to look at the pictures already posted. Huh, what do you know, I look fat. Being unable to take any more abuse both from the soda and my own self doubt, I went to bed.
Several times during the night I awoke to the taste of brussel sprouts and stuffing soda in my mouth, with bile. My body looked like I was about to give birth to a Spalding. Or at the very least a regulation Wilson.
At one point I awoke with a start, someone was grabbing me. I opened my eyes and in the moonlight I saw nothing, yet still unseen hands groped me. I tried to move but I couldn't. Sleep paralisis, that means this is a bad dream. To end it all I need to do is wake up. That won't be easy, but on the other hand if I can wake Sara up, she can in turn wake me up. I started to struggle and say over and over again "Wake me up". I am sure that all Sara heard was mumbling and grunting but either way it worked and Sara woke up, saw my struggles and woke me up. Grateful, I got up went to the kitchen tried to wash away my fears with a glass of water. I guess it worked, but just in case I put my hand on Sara so if it happened again, it would be even easier to get her attention.
Needless to say I slept horribly and I felt horrible when I got out of bed to call my parents. Coffee helped, but the Spalding has not yet been birthed.
Worst hangover ever. I do not recommend the Jones Soda Holiday Gift Pack 2005. You have been warned.
