Woody Cavenaugh

This entire week the part of me that tracks time has been a day ahead of the rest of the world. To the point that when I woke up this morning thinking "at least it was friday", I was immediately able to counter with "If I think it is Friday, it has to be Thursday. Great. I could never get the hang of Thursdays."

I have no idea if it is my mindset that is warping my environment or my environment that is shaping my mindset. Yesterday morning we discovered that we had to take our old cat Max to the vet. (Its gross, I don't want to talk about it.) The vet calls Sara about 10:30 and tells her that Max is ready to be picked up. Sara askes the person on the line what was wrong. The nice lady on the phone says hold on a second. Puts the phone on hold for about 20 seconds and when she comes back on the line she says, "We'll tell you when you get here."

That event set up a chain of events that lead me to discover a real difference between me and Sara. Sara got the news, immediately expected the worst and called me to take her to the vet. If her cat had to be put down, she would be in no shape to drive. Meanwhile, she told me the story of the vet's call. I assumed the explenation was too complicated for the person on the phone to relay between the doc and Sara. I was pretty unconcerned about the cat, and very concerned about Sara who was quickly putting all the pieces in neat piles so she could at a moment's notice completely fall appart in the most effecient way.

At any rate, the cat was fine, and sent home with a week of pain pills and two weeks of strawberry flavored anti-biotic. Drug companies need to be more thoughtful with their furry patients. Especially those furry patients born with four legs.

On the car ride home Sara explained her mindset to me. She prepaired for the absolute worst case senerio, anything else, no matter how bad, would therefore be good news. Suddenly my mindset of keeping upbeat until being given a good and well reason based in fact to fall to pieces seemed like a really dumb idea.

Speaking of dumb ideas. I had two similar gifts to give, each one tailored specifically to the preferences of the receiver. When it came time to send one of the gifts with Sara I told her to take the wrong gift. When she challenged me, I defended my position on why it was the right gift. Ten hours later driving back to fencing from home the truth hit me like a two ton heavy thing. I would have cussed continuiously and loudly all the way back to the Y but these dumbasses kept pulling out in front of me in traffic and I had to take time out from my well earned cussing fit to avoid killing them. Then once I got into Greensboro proper I had to dodge the people who suddenly choose to walk up, down and across the middle of the street. Has homelessness become so bad that the answer is walk down the middle of the road and sue anyone who hits you? It was like being an obsticle in Frogger, only the frog had legal representation. "Sure its dumb to walk down the middle of the street, but my client is a pedestrian and therefore by the law has right of way. All cars must avoid them or be liable for damages, hospital bills, pain and suffering, and filling my Caymen bank account."

I was more or less a big fat lump of stupid in fencing.

I finally got home, fed the dog, put the cloths from the washer in the dryer, and the cloths from the floor into the washer. I sat down and watched ten minutes of TV petting the dog and the cat and then I went to bed. I was tired. I was an odd kind of bone deep tired. I couldn't resist sleep anymore than a man with a shotgun wound to the head could resist dying. I hit the pillow hard and fast and was deeply asleep. I have vague notions of Sara comming to bed and giggling about something. I dreamed. I have the sensation of dreaming a good deal but all I am left with is the sensation of having dreamed. I don't even have a mental picture to show for it. Just a half second clip of video and no slow or pause button to speak of.

At some point during the night Bud wanted out. I staggered still asleep to the door, let him out and went to relieve my bladder. Bud has two reasons to go out doors. If he wants to relieve his bladder only, he will be ready to come back in by the time I I've finished. If he wants to bark, he's not comming back in until he's good and well ready and nothing I can do will change that. This was one of those moments. I locked the door and zombie stepped my way back to bed comfortable in knowing that when Bud was finished barking at the night, he would come to the door and bark at it letting me know he is ready to come in.

I remember wondering why I couldn't hear Bud barking.

I remember thinking I should get up and check on him.

I remember nothing.

I remember the cat scratching on the door. I ignored the cat. Eventually Sara screamed across me to the door for Tuffy to cut it out. That worked for about .7 seconds. I remember getting out of bed so Sara wouldnt' have to yell again. With the side of my fist I pounded the bottom of the door and I heard skitterig on the other side. I was alseep before my head hit the pillow. A short time later I awoke to Tuffy knocking on the door, and Sara giggling, "You taught her a new trick."

Sometime later I jumped out of bed in a start, something wasn't right. Ah, there it is, daylight. I should be awake before the sun shines. It turned out it was seven AM and I struggled with the whole getting ready for work thing. I am pretty sure another six or eight hours of uninterrupted sleep and I would be right as rain. It was here I had the mental conversation about thinking it was Friday, therefore it was Thursday.

I staggered around the house getting ready but something didn't feel right. Maybe it was the fact that Sara was comming in late today and therefore didn't need to get up with me. I wanted to believe that was it, but I knew I was lying to myself. Something was missing.

I was walking out the door when the pieces started to come together. The sky looked like rain and snow, I felt exhausted and the whole world felt completely sureal to me. Bud was gone.

I yelled, whistled, and waited, the only sounds or movements were birds and squirrels. I felt completely sure that sometime during the night while he was outside something happened to him and I will never see him again. In the car I put the MP3 player on random. The first song was Its Raining in Baltimore by The Counting Crows. "...and everything else is the same."

But nothing was the same. Everything was just a shade wrong and slightly at angle. The sureal feeling wouldn't leave me. I kept waiting for the one big "Hey that's not supposed to happen" event, but so far it hasn't happened. I feel like the great awakening from Shadowrun is starting. Or at the very least, its TORG and I'm in danger of losing my reality. Not even the coffee seems to be helping.

I'd better get on the stick, I have a presentation this morning and I have to be brilliant as usual. I need a nap.