Mother's Day Card Discrimination
The other day I was in a major non-wally world retail store shopping for a mother's day card. They had cards from mothers, to mothers, to mothers to be, to mothers to be from unborn children, to grandmothers, step mothers, god mothers, and just plan general mothers.
I wanted to get two cards. One for my mother, and one for my grandmother. I didn't see the need to get a "You might be a mother one day" card for Sara. It just seemed pushy somehow. Cards come in two general types. Make your mama laugh, and make your mama cry. Very early on, deep down in the subliminal parts of my mind there are two very important rules. First you do not make your mother bleed, and second you do not make your mother cry. I suppose these rules came about from my own personal "original sin". Being born I did both of those things then demanded fresh warm milk immediately after. I think she's forgiven me for this, but the rules are now forever in place. I swear it won't happen again mom.
I do NOT buy make your mama cry cards. I ONLY buy make your mama laugh cards. So when shopping for that perfect card I only have to read half of them. It was here I discovered a horrible terrible discrimination already in progress. There are no funny "grown men to their mother" mother's day cards. The "from son" collection starts in the womb and goes up to about puberty and then...nothing. The "from grandson" collection was exactly the same. What's up with this? Are the greeting card companies saying that guys stop sending their mothers cards once the guy discovers grass on the field? I call foul! Puberty and the years after it have been one hell of a distraction I admit, but I couldn't have forgotten mother's day more than a couple of times in all those (short) years after.
In the end I had to get both my mother and my grandmother cards found on the "from daughter" rack. Yes, the cute little cartoon characters had bows in their hair. Yes. The funny little joke was definitely slanted in the feminine. Yes. The greeting card company forced me into wild gender bending for the sake of Mother's day and didn't even have the courtesy to get me drunk first.
That my friends is a party foul of the highest order. My only hope is that my mother won't notice, and my grandmother won't remember. In this, there is hope.
