I am not a man
Tonight we went to Captain George's all you can eat seafood buffet. Though it was the first time I've ever been here, it was a rematch situation for yours truly. The last time I faced an all you can eat seafood buffet I was suffering from severe heat related illness and I don't even remember how I did. In fact all I have to really mark the occasion is a large pilsner glass. I am told it had beer in it. I am also told I drank it.
Now don't get me wrong, since celebrating a birthday on the first of the month I've felt a new maturity about me. I mean for instance I can't even remember the last time I threw a chicken bone over my shoulder. OK, it was last Thursday, but still...
I started strong, a fried chicken thigh in honor of 200 years of southern evolution. A piece of prime rib because beef is what's for dinner. I skipped on the BBQ pork ribs. What! This is Virginia, they may claim the whole of American History, but they can't have pork. I rounded the plate out with fried shrimp, fried scallops, fried clam strips, deviled crab, crab cake, and a stuffed mushroom.
Plate two was more choosy, shrimp, fish, scallop, clam, crab, and macaroni and cheese. The plan was to go to plate three all king crab all the time, but it never happened. It was an act of extreme willpower that got plate two safe and sound down my gullet.
Meanwhile, Sara took her dear sweet time on her second plate. She went with all of the activity foods on her second plate. She mocked me. She mocked me plain and simple and there wasn't a thing I could do about it- up to and including dessert. I was defeated. The goal wasn't to eat more than Sara. The goal was to simply eat the $30.00 that the meal cost per person. I couldn't have possibly eaten more than $25 to $28 worth tops.
All I can do now, is to wallow in the hot tub in my shame, drinking wine and planning for next year. Maybe I should train or something, I'm not as young as I used to be.
