Carpentry Cursed...again
In the event this is my last entry, I just want to say, its been OK I guess.
It all began with a simple request, try to get rid of some clutter before I go to the coast to spend some time with my ailing father.
Carpentry, we meet again. To get rid of the clutter is a multi step process that begins with putting up a shelf such that I can move some stuff, so I can move some stuff, so I can move some stuff so I can get the clutter out of the living room. Currently I live in a pile. Everything I could possibly need is within my fingertips. The downside of this is of course, I can't move. I'm trapped by my own convenience. It is time to organize so things that I don't need this minute can be put out of the way.
I used some empty coffee cans from work to sort the nails, wood screws, sheet metal screws, bolts, nuts washers, and other various bits these I put into the shed, an organization project for another day. Then I went to the local home improvement shop to buy the shelf and hardware I need to put it up. I chose my shelf, and bought a kit which was expensive but, looked like it had everything I would need to do an excellent shelf hanging job to stand the test of time. It takes an hour round trip to drive there.
I got home and discovered that my kit didn't have screws. I walked to the shed to get screws, and walked back. I sure could use a level. I walked to the shed and walked back. Where is my measuring tape? I walked to the shed and I walked back. There I have what I need. Quickly the shelf was installed and I put a few things on it to begin the cleaning process. Not heavy things, not books or sewing machines, or tool boxes, but boxes of pens and pencils and little dividers with papers in it, manuscripts, and odd school bits that Sara and I have collected over the years. A box of sewing supplies. thread, needles, scissors, etc. A plastic box filled with crayons and colored pencils.
Then there was this strange noise, I had just enough time to look up before I found a plastic box of sewing supplies had hit me full in the face. I staggered to the side and stumbled into a plastic box of colored pencils. Plastic shards went everywhere. Good thing I still had on my shoes from all that walking back and forth from the shed.
The shelf was lolling to the side. Some of those parts the kit ought to have but didn't were absolutely necessary and the proof was smashed at my feet. The shock and impact of the sewing box hitting me in the face really pissed me off. I don't piss off easily but when I do, it requires some deep breathing. I stood there breathing for some time while one by one each box slid off the shelf into the floor. Each falling item added to the amount of time I needed to breathe.
Eventually I was to the point I felt safe to drive so I got back into the car and went back to the local home improvement store to buy more things to put the shelf up with. I got them and had the same clueless cashier who I had earlier in the morning. I guess she didn't recognize me because this time I wasn't smiling and friendly. I was frowning and I had no more small talk to offer.
Only one thing to do in a situation like this. Bojangles, Killian's, and a pizza for Sara so I could have enough Bojangles. This looks like at least an eight piece problem. I won't be able to have a Killian's until she comes back. I'm weird like that. I don't want to have a drink when I think I might be needed, so I never drink when she isn't around. When she comes around, oh yes, there will be drink.
I got home and tried to ignore the new mess and began again to hang a shelf. There was an odd tingling feeling in my lips that I tried to ignore. Likely I was biting them trying not to scream and couldn't be bothered to check. I measured 12 inches from the ceiling on one side and 12 inches from the ceiling on the other and With a level I went marking and drilling holes in the drywall from one side to the other. Each hole was level with the two holes previous. By the time I got to the other end, the 1/4 inch holes were now 10 inches from the ceiling and not 12.
The tingling which by this time had moved down my arms, was moving into my legs.
There is a term for situations when you discover that though the world is level, symmetry is not within your grasp. It is "Ha ha ha you stupid fat slobby idiot."
There is a strange roaring sound in my ears and I have this incredible desire to go have a lie down.
I am off to do that now, but first I'd better take a handful of aspirin. I heard somewhere that aspirin helps.
Did I mention that I seem to be cursed at carpentry?
yeah.
