Woody Cavenaugh

"There's a flag, anyone know why there's a flag?"
"I think it means we have possession."

It was the rematch of the year and the visitor's bleachers had nearly as many spectators as the home team side. The visitor side had plenty of time to meet and mingle since the announcer never turned the speakers on for our side. At half time I was elected "block captain" and sent over to ask them to turn the sound on. They promised they would, but never did. After the game, the Phoenix videographer revealed to me that the announcer used the silence to their advantage with the home team crowd. Real adult move, but whatever.

I'd like to say that the referee's were smart, in the know, and completely unbiased; but I can't, because we don't know what any of the calls they made were. We'd see a flag, shake the Magic Eight Ball and count the yards against the Phoenix. We learned later that though the referee's were throwing flags and making calls, they weren't able to tell anyone who actually caused the infraction. In my experience, the referee throws the little yellow flag they keep secreted in their crotch pockets, then they announce what rule was broken, and who broke it. We could only tell that they were doing one of those, heard rumor that they were doing a second, but not even they seemed to know who made the infraction.

Next there was the "injury incident". In fencing, which barely counts as as a contact sport, we are required to have a medical person on standby for the duration of the tournament. Even T-Ball requires an ambulance. Well, the IWFL also requires an EMT on standby. The Queens didn't get the memo apparently. When one of their players went down on the field, they had to borrow our trainer because they didn't have one. They had to go into the stands and borrow a pair of scissors, which I gladly loaned from my multi-tool. They had to borrow ice from the Phoenix, because they didn't have any of their own. They had to call 911 because they had no ambulance on site. We had to wait fifteen minutes for the fire truck to arrive. We had to wait five or ten more minutes while the firemen determined that an ambulance was needed. We had to wait ten or so additional minutes while we waited for the ambulance to arrive. We had to wait yet another five or so minutes while they moved the fire truck so the ambulance could get on the field. Then finally, FINALLY, the injured player (you remember the injured player right), could get the help they needed. I am, as a coach, insulted to the core that the Queens management think so little of their players that they wouldn't provide for the health and safety of their players.

OK, I think I can stop ranting now. Lets talk some football!

If you have been following the banter on Myspace, you know the Queens really wanted a win against the Phoenix, bad. When they lost the first game, the banter intensified. Many of the players of these two teams played together back in the days of the Cougars and the Cardinals. Coach Holmes of the Phoenix mentored under the Queen's coach, Coach Brown. To say that these games are like family reunions, is an understatement. It is a very dysfunctional family on the field but afterwards you just have to add alcohol to defuse the tensions.

Kickoff was promptly at 6PM, Phoenix received (we have no idea who won the toss). The Queens started the game with their dream team defense and the Phoenix ended their first possession having lost 5 yards. The Phoenix brought their first string defense also and the first Queen carry ends with a 20 yard loss. At the end of the Queens first possession they lost a total of 36 yards.

The Phoenix lose possession on the first play of their second possession, but answer the very next play with an interception and strong run. The very next play the Phoenix offense run for a touchdown with 9:44 left in the first quarter. The extra point is no good so the Phoenix start by putting six on the board.

Speaking of strong defenses, both sides had strong defense squads. There was only 6:08 left in the first quarter when any team managed their first down. That was had by the Phoenix.

I said rant off, but I have to take a quick moment out to make a public service message to coaches all over. If you are going to have a temper tantrum on a windy day and throw your plays on the ground at least make sure your plays are on a clip board. Otherwise you end up having to run down the side line chasing your plays while the folks in the stands laugh at you. You look like a tool and that is totally uncool. That is the end of this public service message.

It was a day of the defenses with both the Phoenix and the Queens really having trouble making headway until 2:57 in the second quarter when the Queens finally made their first successful offensive play. Too bad the penalty brought it back.

At the half the Phoenix still lead the Queens 6 to nothing.

It was back and forth in the third quarter until 4:36, when a brilliant Phoenix run puts them in seven yards of touch down territory which they did the very next play. The extra point attempt was broken but turned into sweet two point conversion. Phoenix now lead the Queens 14 to nothing.

With eleven minutes left in the 4th quarter the Queen's coach finally put in their first string offense. With ten minutes left in the game it looked like the Queens just might prevent the much dreaded and humiliating shut out. Finally at 8:10 they made it over the line, putting six on the board. Phoenix 14, Queens 6.

At around 7:00 in the fourth quarter it looked like the Phoenix put in their third or fourth string offense. From the stands it looked like suddenly the Phoenix forgot how to play the game. Perhaps it was some nefarious plot by a football hating super villain, as it was here also that the Queens took that game stopping injury.

It was during the long wait for medical help that I watched a white dove fly over the field. What? I'm superstitious it happened during the last Queens-Phoenix game as well.

Finally the injured player got the help they needed and we got to see who would manage to gain momentum first. It was the Queens with the momentum. Four plays and a penalty later, they made a second touchdown with 2:32 left in the game. The conversion is good and the game is tied 14 - 14! The first time in eight games that it even looked remotely like something other than a Phoenix win. In the stands we were taking turns relaxing our worn out butt muscles with short walks.

Regular time expires, and complete confusion takes over. In the stands, without the aid of an announcer we don't know what happened next. In fencing there is a coin toss. If no one scores in overtime, the winner of the coin toss wins the bout. Some people said the NFL do something like this too. Someone else coming back from the snack bar said the announcer had said that overtime was five minutes. Suddenly the clock reads fifteen minutes and that means nothing to us either because we learned quickly in the first quarter that the time, yards, and downs, on the board did not reflect our objective reality. That is to say, whoever was running the board was probably well-meaning, but an unpaid and untrained volunteer.

Fortunately, the Phoenix put their first string offense back in and though we didn't know what was going on, we knew that the game was going to be OK. Who wanted to win the most? The Phoenix did. With first and inches, the Phoenix put it over the line. The stands were absolutely silent. We all looked around for the inevitable yellow flag which for some reason didn't materialize, Phoenix for the win at 8:22 in overtime!

Final score, Phoenix 20, Queens 14. The game that started at 6PM ended at 10PM. The Phoenix are one small step closer to the playoffs and the Queens are one giant leap away from it.

Finally, I want to say Hi to all my new cool friends in the stands. Also I have a question for you paid professional writers out there. When some stranger walks up to you and says they have read your stuff, do you get that feeling like you are about to be shot or something? Just curious?