Woody Cavenaugh

On the Eighth Day Without Internet
I'm on the internet
I guess this song must be done

Jeff Bennett came to town so we had lunch (Thanks Jefe). After food the small party (5 total) wondered what to do next and since three people in the party work in the same building on UNCG campus, it only stood to reason that we should go to the office and have a nice cup of tea. 298 individual pieces of blog spam later, I had tea and joined the tea party already in progress. There is apparetnly a new player on the block showing off his script kiddy blog spam stylings and trying to get a buyer. What that meant was that probably 200-250 of the spam in my blog was random names and two random URL's. I don't mean random sites, I mean strings of random letters with a ".com" on the end. He demonstraited that he could spam very well spoofing IP and giving various sites without standard filter rule sets catching him at it. Not bad work for a dumbass I suppose.

Sara and I proving that we have lost any sembelance of cool managed to plan and throw an impromptu party in one hour that no one would show up to. Even the guest of honor left by 8pm. By 9pm our other two guest had called to cast their condolances and I was in my skivies by 9:05pm. Its for the best, Sara and I have left the Big Bang Burger Barn of life and are entering the Long Dark Tea Time of The Soul. We stopped being fun about a year ago. At any rate, I hope to be sound asleep before the clock strikes midnight.

Posted by at 8:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On the Seventh Day Without Internet
The Ups man brought me
A Douglas Addams' DVD

...and a really amazingly useful book on amature astronomy called "Turn Left At Orion" by Guy Consolmagno and Dan M. Davis. If you have a small telescope and are struggling with which end points starward, I can't recommend this book enough! As soon as I align the finder scope, I am going to do some serious freezing my butt off star gazing.

The aformentioned Douglas Addams' DVD is the "Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy" DVD. Three hours of guide and what must be another six or so hours of special features. Needless to say, about nine hours of my day was spent staring open mouthed at the TV. It was worth every second.

The mess around us wasn't ignored. Sara and I have neat freaks inside of us and they are working in concert fighing a gurrila war against chaos and animal hair. We never faced any cleaning battles head on, we would always spring into action and go all out cleaning some small part of a room and then fading away before the clutter can regroup and mount a counter attack. It will be a long and bloody war, but one we have a shot at winning, and that's worth fighting for.

Posted by at 8:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On The sixth day without internet
I'm still pretty depressed
I'm trying to clean up the mess.

This required a trip to the handy dandy Kirby vacuum cleaner man so I could buy some belts and other vacuum accesseries. Jeff is comming Friday and I want more than anything to have at least one room in the house not look like it was maintained by hippos. Dirty carpet, though a worry is the least of mine right now. The three cats, two dogs and two humans need to work harder towards acting domesticated. Sara's new Ren and Stimpy DVD brings me no joy or rapture.
In fact, I think I really don't like Ren and Stimpy. Sara will need a buddy to enjoy this DVD with. Fortunately, everyone I know loves Ren and Stimpy, so she will have her pick of the litter. I will eat a bug or something.

Posted by at 8:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On the fifth day without internet
The mess it makes me sad,
I've lost my everlovin' mind!

Woody's don't nest.

So we went on a quest for Space Bags which would go a long way towards bringing me cheer. I live like an animal wallowing in its own filth and it makes me sad. We found space bags and I packed up 11 pillows, 3 quilts, some of Sara's special event ware and all of my fencing T-Shirts and UNCG Fencing Club wear. It made a small dent and so a small bit of joy returned to my life.

How did I end up with 11 extra pillows anyway???

Posted by at 8:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

On the fourth day without internet
I went to grandma's house
I brought chicken and bar-be-cue for lunch

Three hours to Rose Hill, three hours to visit, three hours back, change cloths, grab a bottle and head to Rob's for dinner. We had spiced wine ala Rob, and my father's wine which I brought along for good cheer. Bosten Market was had by all, and we got to spend some time hanging out with Stefan. Kimi wasn't home yet which wasn't right at all, so Sara and I went by her house to check the place out and see if there were any signs. There were no signs so Sara left a message for her that we were worried and to contact us soon. The only real way to tell if her house has been broken in would be a sign of forced entry and a missing TV.

Kimi's nest.

Posted by at 8:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On the third day without internet
I still can't freakin' type
And why are my hands shaking?

The weather between here and there was too bad to travel in so Sara and I stayed in today. Who am I kidding, if we aren't at work or going somewhere, we are staying in.

I organized the CD's and labeled the shelf so we could get them back in a proper sort as they come and go.

Today was also the last day of the twelve days of coffee. One of my fencers gave me a sample pack of two of the things I love the most (besides meat), liquer flavored coffees. There was a twelve day supply and I finished the Jack Daniels today. Ah, the two great taste that taste great together, coffee and booze..,

Still can't type.

Posted by at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On the Second Day with out access
My mood is fairly bright
It's just like another weekend.

And Christmas day it is! There's still nothing but dirty carpet under the old artificial tree but we have heat and that is more important than perhaps anything but a good meal, and as it happens I have a feast planned. I will for dinner serve steak, chops, roasted chicken, and collards for desert. Then I told Sara my plan. Instead of a feast I will be cooking steak for lunch, chicken and collards for dinner and pork chops the next day. So what ever happened to feast day? It is probably for the best, as I went to cook, everything that wasn't food ended up in the floor this included three jackets, knives, bowls, tin foil, and what felt like every spoon in the house. But I got the steak grilled. Dinner was more of the same except for the roticery cooker incident. When I turn the roticery on, I expect the food to turn and the heating element to glow red. Smoke is optional. Unless of course the smoke is comming from somewhere deep inside of the cooker rather than turning the meat or heating the element. I happended to notice before I needed the fire extenguisher fortunately. Ok, so the chicken is baked. Eat me. The collards were delicious though.

Weather report, I am not getting snow, my parents aren't getting snow, but everyone between me and them are, including my grandmother, who I was planning to visit tomorrow. We will wait until morning to see what we shall do. I can't type tonight and it is pissing me off.

Happy Freakin' Holiday./

Posted by at 7:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

On the first day without internet
my mood is fairly bright
weekends are off line anyway

Plus it is Christmas eve. We have a nice tree the cats haven't disassembled yet. Someone we know let me take a pass at her late husband's cloths. I now have more cloths then I can possibly wear, and all of them still had the tags on them. Plus jackets and a new pair of shoes. Best of all, nothing under the tree to have to unwrap and have the paper shredded all over the house by the well meaning cats and dogs who figure there has to be food in there someplace.

Posted by at 7:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Once again trampling on the freedoms of Americans, our own pretend Democracy is at it again. This story is covered on one of the other "tp" blogs, but since we have different readership, and since this is important, I figured I would help spread the word.

Here's the story.
In a nutshell, African Americans in blue districts of Ohio were systematically kept from the polls. The video evidence is on teh above link. (And here's a mirror just in case.

I don't care who's running the country that is just uncool, wrong and a violation of "inalienable rights".

If the founding fathers were here for this they would either call for revolution or planning to colonize mars.

Posted by at 9:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Santa came to my house yesterday. He wan't fat, and he wasn't wearing red. I understand he was a jolly old elf though.

I can't tell you what a difference it is to have heat.

The floor was warm and everything. When I woke up this morning there wasn't frost on the windows of the house. The dogs and the cats weren't sleeping together for warmth. I woke up feeling like I was living and not just surviving. Its a very good feeling.

Posted by at 10:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Back when I was taking classes I learned in Psychology, Anthropology, and sociology that toys are ways of training children in the skills they will need to survive.

Now a days, "survive" is more like learning skills that will help to raise a family or earn dollars. Baby dolls are all about training mothers to be (or father's to be if you give your male child a baby doll). Toy guns teach gun children to feel comfortable around guns. Back in the day it was because each child would be expected to hunt for food, and defend the family. Today it is more about protecting the family, putting caps in asses, and military careers. Cars teach driving skills. Tools teach using tools. Leap frog learning pads teach not only the lessons they teach but comfort and skill using a computer, vital in today's job market.

This is all well and good known stuff with plenty of studies to back it up. Every toy teaches some sort of skill. Which brings me to my question. What do these Bratz dolls teach? For those of you who have been living under a rock this holiday season, these dolls are apparently "The" gift for girls this year.

As best as I can tell they teach girls to be proper jail bait. I suppose there is a place for this in the world. Girls will want to know how to attract boys, men and pedophiles and these dolls seem to do the trick.

I certainly wouldn't give one to my daughter. Here's a hint folks, if your 10 year old girl wants to wear hip hugger jeans and show off her belly button piercing, pert budding breasts, and tattoo by wearing a too tight halter top, don't expect much. Love the grandchildren, but don't expect much otherwise.

I guess the Bratz doll is a toy designed to teach little girls to breed.

Posted by at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

While on the coast yesterday I saw a bumper sticker that sent shivers down my back. The car of course, had all of the usual Pro-Bush stickers, but one more too shocking to contemplate. (At least until the shock passed that is)

GOP: God's Official Party

That's amazingly silly. That's probably also a fire and brimstone offence. See ya in hell buddy, keep the fire hot for me. God is a Dictator, and would have no part of a representative democracy. So God isn't like George W. Bush, God is more like Fidel Castro or even Sadam Hussian.

Nowhere in the bible does it say "Thou shall cast thy lot for one of a group of worthy gods. Upon the reading of the vote of all of man a representative vote shall be cast by an electoral college of kings, the winning god thus take all for the sum of four millennia whereby man shall once again cast their lot."

The bible does say in the Ten Commandments that it is a fire and brimstone offence to have any other god before him. It was important enough that it is the FIRST commandment.

The bible is full of examples of God being a totalitarian dictator. Early on he tried to be merciful, rather than destroy some angels who dared question him, he banished them from heaven. If I were him I would regret that decision today. It seemed like a good idea at the time but now we are dealing with a forever of trying to run an organized creation all the while dealing with a militant faction bent on bloody revolution. He's a better creator than I could ever be, that's for sure.

There are plenty of examples of him being a holy dictator. He appeared before the Jews and said, "you are now my subjects, obey me or else". Once he sent an angel to one of his mortal agents in a largish city state and told him to evacuate and don't look back. His agent fled the city and he didn't look back. His wife did though, and was turned into a pillar of salt. I don't care if you are a good agent, no one is above the law.

Slovadan Milosavich got into a great deal of trouble recently for partaking in "Ethnic Cleansing". The bible tells the story of some VERY effective ethnic cleansing. Forget a bullet in the back of the head and being thrown in a mass grave. Try a massive flood and only telling one guy how to save himself, his family and a zoo. Hitler couldn?t come close to that.

The big man upstairs knows how to rule with an iron fist. I'd be surprised if he didn't smite the Republican Party for just inferring that he supports them. Besides, if God's son isn't a member of the Green party, I don't know who is. Jesus wouldn?t be exporting jobs to countries with a lower standard of living. Jesus would have been standing outside of the pentagon in the 1960's sticking daisies in gun barrels. Jesus certainly turned out better that a certain other dictator's offspring.

And that's the real lesson here. ?Silly Sadam, dictatorships aren't for mortals.?

Posted by at 10:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Lots of folks make huge money writing stories filled with horror, and fantasy all under the guise of fiction. It has been my observation that the difference between fact in fiction is time. Somebody writes something horrible and sooner or later it will come to pass. A good example of this would have to be this article. A woman finds the murdered body of her eight months pregnet 23 year old daughter, sans baby. Yes, that's right someone killed the woman and removed her baby. If that isn't the start of some gripping fiction I don't know what is. Except it really happened...

With science and science fiction it isn't so bad. From Star Trek we have cellular phones. Innocent enough. Space travel, space probes, robots, none of this is bad. We thought elves, leprecans and such were fantasy, but darned if someone didn't find a whole species of little humanoids in our fossil record.

Some would argue (and vote Republican) that if someone hadn't imagined it first and put it on paper it never would have happened in the first place. I disagree with this. I believe that every horror that we can imagine we can and possible will achieve not because someone put it to paper, but simply because we have the capacity to imagine it.

A mind is a scary place and getting scarier every day.

Posted by at 5:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I can think again! I think I will rant! Rant on!

There are many different groups who collect new unwrapped toys this time of year to help bring joy to the lives of underprivilaged children who otherwise might not have a happy holiday. "Toys for Ta-tas" is the adult entertainment's industries yearly campain to do just that.

There are some people out there who feel that no one should accept toys from this group because they disagree with the groups "morals". I hate that word. These days "Morals" means Anything that I believe. In a sentence: If you don't believe what I do, than you have no morals. What they are saying is These new unwrapped toys overhere are better than those new unwrapped toys over there because this pile was gathered by a church and that pile over there was gathered by women with expensive breast.

Of course, this has a plus side for me. I have never donated a toy in my life to my knowledge, and this time of year I used to feel guilty about that, but thanks to people with "morals", I don't have to feel guilty anymore. They are telling me that it is better to give no toy at all than to give a toy to the wrong charity.

Are you with me so far?

Now put on your special "Woody hat" (Think black fedora with tinfoil lining) and come along on my fantasy journey.

One day I am going to find that I have heat at christmas and my four foot artificial tree is going to have more than dirty carpet underneath it. When that day comes I am going to want to donate a toy to bring joy to a child somewhere. If I am doing really well, I might even want to donate several toys. I have any number of charities that are collecting toys around. I might try split my donation around so each charity gets one toy until I am out of toys. Sounds good right? But we're wearing our black Woody Hat(tm)! On each present, in black sharpie marker in a conspicuous location will be phrases like the following.

The person who donated this toy didn't vote for Bush. (gift 4 of 100)
I don't worship the same way you do. (gift 666 of 1000)
The person who donated this toy is morbidly obease. (gift 2000 of 10000)
I believe in evolution. (gift 101 of 1010)
Islam is just as good as Judism or Christianity (gift 3 of 1000)

All I'll have to do then is kick back with a tasty beverage and wait for the news reports of charities tearing appart their toy supplies looking for hundreds or thousands of inappropriate (or immoral) toys. I wonder how many children go without toys that year because of "morals".

Chaos is mine sayeth the Woody. Everyone give me a "havoc".

Rant off! It feels GREAT to be back!

Posted by at 9:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

At three weeks with a persistant headache I realized it was getting harder and harder to hide the fact that my mood was turning dark and pissy. I origionally kept the headache downplayed with Sara, I wanted to see what it would do, and since I didn't wake up dead after day three I had pretty much ruled out anurism. That was a joke of course, I have no idea how many days it takes to die from an anurism.

So after three weeks of constant pain I told Sara what was going on between my ears and it was quickly decited that I was going to the doctor yesterday. I got three things at the doctor's office.
1. Good news about my blood pressure. It was 117 / 76 I don't think it has ever been that low and I am looking back to failing my initial elementary school physical required to join the elementary school football team due to high blood pressure.

2. Steriods

3. Antibiotic

Upon examination the doctor discovered a massive sinus infection. I am using her word "Massive". She could see it by peering into every oriface in my head massive.

So in about ten days my headache should be gone. I will have gained weight, my penis will have shrunk and my mood will be "altered". I'm guessing I am going to be a serious pain in the ass having gained weight and lost inches. Might as well have fun with it and increase my workout load.

It could have been a tumor.
"Its not a tumor!"

Posted by at 9:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

The fast food chain Arbys has been running this campain blitz lately where they are talking about the ammount of "carbies" in their food they have. So in my neverending quest to get to the bottom of things I have done an exhaustive five or so minute web search for this mysterious "carby" to figure out what Arbys is talking about and should I be afraid of what I find.

Based on my research, the mysterious "carby" which Arbys is putting into their food is none other than essence of Abby Lockhart and John Carter from the NBC show ER. Eww...just Ewww!

I am not going to eat the combination of two actors from a medical show. Well, not unless they are vegans, or we are stranded someplace with no food.

I'm certainly not going to eat them in food from a fast food place.

Sara's theory is that Arbys has decited to use the made up word "carby" to replace the word "carbohydrate", but who would do something that sounds so completely stupid.

Posted by at 10:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Lycos earlier this week released a screen saver which helps combat spam by sending request to known spam sites thus eroding their bandwidth. The product was designed not to bring the spammer's sites down, but to make it very expesive for the spammers to operate. The product is called Make Love Not Spam.

Hours later the scum sucking spammers and their hack culture twinkeltoes launched a counterattack against them.

People who claim moral high ground say that Lycos was wrong. To make spammers stop spamming you must talk to them, and if that doesn't work you must talk to them a second time. They say that open internet warfare will solve nothing.

They are half right. If you want to stop spammers quickly and easily you can give them a warning if you want, they are only going to spam you for it. Internet warfare is an Ok solution I suppose, but the only real way to be sure is to find the spammers and shotgun them, at least twice. Its time to stop pussy footing around.

Posted by at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)