Woody Cavenaugh

There are pens all around us. Rich men have expensive pens, that no one sees but them until the moment their valuable signature is required, or yours is required to make them richer. You see it all the time in the movies. Rich guy trying to steal the farm from the poor family because he knows there is oil there...watch for the really nice pen. Every villain in every movie has a great pen. If Darth Vader had needed to sign anything, you can bet his pen would have been impressive.

I once saw a pen store. Hand to god. They only sold pens. The cheapest one I could find was sixty dollars. Most on the rack pens were around a hundred dollars, locked behind display cases were multi-hundred dollar pens. I left immediately after I saw the six hundred dollar pen. I suspect those are the kind the devil uses, the ones that write with blood. It would take a very special pen indeed to keep it from constantly clotting.

Students have them. Go into any college classroom and you will see a bunch of pens. Some of them are bought and paid for from the book store, good pens, with a good feel, and if they splurged for the three dollar model, why not? They are using them all the time. There is always one guy using the sixty dollar pen they got for graduation from high school, it has their initials on it but is really hard to use because it keeps sliding down their hand. Those pens are really shiny and slick. Those pens are best for having in the jacket pocket of your suit. You never use it, but everyone knows you have a nice pen and you can pretend to be a rich man. A big shot and his pen. Before long that guy will join the other three to five people in the class who are using the pen they picked up off of the sidewalk on the way into class.

The rest of the class are using pens they just ended up with, they say things on them like "John's Plumbing, Heating, and Hunting Supplies". John paid about three to six cents each for them and he's got another couple of hundred at the office.

As we are moving away from a cash society we are moving further into a pen society. To write a check, you must have a pen. You've lost yours? No problem the lady at the register has one. It probably says something on it like "John's Septic Service and Home Decor". I don't know what you are writing it for though, most likely these days, as soon as you give them your signed and filled out check with the right phone number and the address circled, they give it right back.

If you eat out, and sit down to do it, you've probably paid with some form of plastic. The waiter left one pen for your entire table of seven separate checks to share. None of you probably have a pen.
Though, the lady dining with you might have one in her purse, but if she finds it at all, it is probably out of ink or just plain dried out. Both of these pens have things written on them like "John's Tree Service and Donut Emporium" or "John's Gun, Bait, and Bail Bondsman". They are really cheep to make and has John's phone number right there on it. A good investment for John, though there is a betting chance it won't make it around the table without dying on you. Sure you'll scratch it on the napkin in hopes of coaxing that last bit of ink, but its pretty much a lost cause. I mean what did you expect, it's only cost six cents to start with?

At every grocery store, pharmacy, retail chain store, convenience store, card shop, and pen store you can find a pen section. In all but the pen store itself you can pick up a pack of six for less than five dollars. You've probably bought them before, yet when you look over at the jar you keep your pens in (I use a gargoyle shaped coffee mug) you probably don't have very many. I myself have only two of these pens. I've got two from the office that ended up coming home in my shirt pocket, a highlighter, two pencils, and five of those six cents pens. You know, the ones with stuff like "John's Towing and Adult Video", and "John's Bar, Grill, and Day Spa". If I were to close my eyes right now and reach for a pen, it wouldn't be the one I bought in a pack of six for three dollars on sale at the drug store. It would be the one from "John's Plastic Surgery, Soaps, and Gifts."

Not to take anything away from John, but I see a need to help make the world a better place. Next time I go to the grocery store I'm buying two of those six packs of pens and I'm going to keep a few with me at all times. At the drive through, when I have to sign the credit card receipt I'm going to switch pens with them. Because you already know that the person at the window has handed me a pen from "John's Pet Shop, and Korean Buffet". That way the next person who comes through the window will have a decent pen that will write their whole name without running out of ink.

You gotta think globally, while you act locally, to make the world a better place. I'm doing my part, one pen at a time.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 8:15 PM | Permalink

Oddly, again while in the bathroom, I discovered hidden comedy.

Behold! The Terror....

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Coming from me live and without pain,
Woody

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 7:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

After leaving acupuncture yesterday, we went to the grocery store to get a few things for dinner. Perhaps it was the euphoria of being nearly pain free for the first time in 12 days. Maybe it was being essentially high on the new dosage of blood pressure meds, maybe it was just sinking in truly that my brain was in no immediate danger. Whatever it was, when we walked into the store I found myself staring fascinated and child like at the TV next to the ceiling that was showing a top down view of Sara and I. I could see the top of my head and it was soooo cool. I am sure it was put there to be a friendly warning to would-be shoplifters that big brother was watching, but for me it was a magical toy.

From there, I went immediately to the men's room, as I suddenly had to go. Also a childlike response I suppose. While in there I saw something in a new and completely unintended way.
I saw this:

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 10:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Fear is a powerful thing.

Fear makes things happen and it keeps things from happening. The Tick said something about fear, let me see if I can find it.

Destiny dressed you this morning my friend, and now Fear is trying to pull off your pants. If you give up, if you give in, you're gonna end up naked with Fear just standing there laughing at your dangling unmentionables!

Fear of the unknown is the worst of all fears. The unknown lacks form or function. You can't fight the unknown. You can't even engage it. I've tried. That's why I insisted on having that CT scan this morning. I needed to know exactly what I was up against. Even if I can't defeat it, it is real, it has form, and I can go down fighting in a way that would make my ancestors proud.

So I went. They did it, and they wouldn't just tell me the results. I had to go home and wait for the doc to call me. I went home, and went to sleep, it was the only safe place I had. By 4pm they had not called me, so I called them.

Bad news or good news, the news didn't matter nearly as much as the knowledge to defeat the unknown. I was sitting, and I was ready, though I was also tired from just waking up and being on essentially 3X my usual dose of blood pressure meds.

Regardless of what they told me my next stop was my eastern practitioner. Any knowledge I have can aid in the fight against outrageous pain and pressure.

The results are in. After looking carefully at the CT it was determined that there was a problem.
I'm ugly and my mother dresses me funny. Beyond that, my brain is not in any immediate danger. I am glad of that too. I like my brain. Its where I keep my stuff.

Now if only I could shake this headache.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 8:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 10:50 AM | Permalink

To find the saber fencers in the room look for those who most resemble baked potatoes. They wear lamé's like foil fencers, but instead of just a vest, they wear a full long sleeved jacket, with a shiny conductive mask. Everything from the waist up of the saber fencer is target with the exception of the off weapon hand. All that shiny makes saber the most expensive of the weapons to compete in (and most hot). Yet for all of that extra non-breathing clothing, saber is by far the fastest of the three weapons. The first touch is usually scored in the first second of play and time almost never expires before the match ends. Often in fact, they don't even keep time.

The saber fencers creed is strike first, and strike fast. They do not however have to strike hard. Any portion of the blade can score a touch and any contact is all that is necessary to so so. There is no white off target light. It is either on target or not at all. With the speeds involved in saber actions seldom progress farther than the counter-riposte. There is also more theater in saber. With the speeds such as they are, saber fencers tend to use bravado in order to help sway the referee. So in saber, you might see two lights, and two fencers in simultaneous fist pumping action. Thus referees in saber have to be both good and unflappable. Saber fencers can smell weakness in a referee and they will exploit every weakness they can. These truths aside, saber can be the most difficult to watch as a spectator. Referee says fence, two fencers throw themselves bodily at one another and mug for the referee. Two lights, then the referee rewards a touch or not (they have the power to throw it out when they can't determine right-of-way), and the fencers do it all over again.

The rule makers have tried to slow it down as best they can. They have shortened the lockout on the scoring box to help eliminate the double touch, leading to continuations getting the light while the riposte is locked out. They have also changed it back and forth from shorter to longer trying to find that perfect timing. They also eliminated a piece of footwork that helps fencers cover a lot of ground in a hurry. The footwork called the "fléche" (French for "arrow") is performed by essentially throwing yourself at your opponent. The key is crossing your back foot over your front foot and running at the other guy. The rule makers have stated that it is now illegal to cross one foot in front of the other. The upside is it has slowed down saber into sub light speeds. The downside is that now fencers whose feet even come close together are often called "crossing over". While eliminating the crossover helped, fencers are quick adapters, and have found a way to hop on one foot at one another really fast. This innovative piece of footwork is called the "flunge" and means absolutely nothing in any language. Say that in front of a group of saber fencers and they will argue for hours over whether or not the word is what you get when you mate "fléche with lunge", or "flying with lunging". Either way, it is entertaining to watch them argue, try it sometime.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 8:33 AM | Permalink

While I feel better at this moment than I have felt in a week, it is only comparatively. The pressure still exist. Today I spent a minute or so seeking out what exactly it was that was hurting, and what systems live in that region.

The pressure is in the left pre-motor area. To quote a pretty good website on the subject.

The Left premotor area, in upper left front of the forehead, keeps track of sequential patterns -- words, symbols, ideas, that come one after another. This is highly important for humans with symbolic thinking.

The area primarily would have evolved for planning tool use -- how to use tools in a sequential way to accomplish symbolic goal.

Because the motor nerves cross, this left-brain premotor area controls the RIGHT HAND. Humans are "handed" because one side of the brain specialized to do sequential operations. Most humans have symbolic language in the left brain, so most humans are Right-Handed!

Key talents where this area is important include:

1. Tool use - doing a sequence of operations with the right hand.
2. "Logical" thinking - putting ideas together in sequence, so one follows another
3. Cause and effect reasoning - a basis for scientific thinking and "how-to" analysis
4. Grammar - Thinking, speaking and writing language in a sequential way to follow rules.
5. Rules for playing Games - what to do in what order, for a logical result. (However, many games like chess also have a strong right-brain component of patterns.
6. Following recipes and instructions
7. Awareness of time, and possibly the passage of time in comparison to other events. (For example, when people are using this part of the brain for intensive sequential analysis, such as how to do something on a computer, time awareness seems to fail, and they will say, "I lost track of time."

And to quote another one:

CEREBRAL CORTEX Frontal Lobe: Most anterior, right under the forehead.

Functions:

* How we know what we are doing within our environment (Consciousness). How we initiate activity in response to our environment. Judgments we make about what occurs in our daily activities. Controls our emotional response. Controls our expressive language. Assigns meaning to the words we choose. Involves word associations.
* Memory for habits and motor activities.

Observed Problems:

* Loss of simple movement of various body parts (Paralysis). Inability to plan a sequence of complex movements needed to complete multi-stepped tasks, such as making coffee (Sequencing). Loss of spontaneity in interacting with others. Loss of flexibility in thinking. Persistence of a single thought (Perseveration). Inability to focus on task (Attending). Mood changes (Emotionally Labile). Changes in social behavior. Changes in personality. Difficulty with problem solving.
* Inablility to express language (Broca's Aphasia).

So if you see anything weird from me in those regards, we can safely rule out blood pressure or liver yang.

On the other hand what if my baseline already indicated a certain "weakness" in these areas...

Let the games begin!

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 5:05 PM | Permalink

Welcome to day ten of the continuing saga of my headache.

I consulted the wisdom of western medicine. They said "Your blood pressure is too high. Double your normal dose. Your pain will go away when your blood pressure is under 120/80. At 120/80 I have to do 20 jumping jacks before I can make any major decisions. But my head still hurts. So I got some pills that will take the pain away, only they are habit forming so I won't take them near "as directed".

My head still hurts so I consulted the wisdom of eastern medicine. The headache was gone in about an hour of acupuncture and the brain baby spent the evening trying to regroup, and pull itself together. I also got some tea that taste like pure bitter garnished with a flower and a sprig of mint. Four doses, and I go back on Thursday. I was awake a whole hour before my headache was. It was nice. She said stress, sent my liver yang out of balance. Yeah. I got stress. Yeah, I got a liver. I guess I've got some yang too. I would think on this more but I'm tired from all the jumping jacks already.

Is it can be naping times now?

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 9:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Now that we have a passing understanding of the concept of right-of-way, lets put it in the context of foil. Foil was modeled after the court sword of ages past. It is practice for killing duels. The method of attack is point only, the valid target area is the torso of the body, crotch to neck, and shoulder to shoulder, front and back. Fencers dressed for foil will wear all of the usual protective equipment plus a metallic vest. The vest is wired into the circuit by the body cord.

One of the body cord's wires has an alligator clip which you will see often clipped at the bottom of the metallic vest (called a lamé), either in the back, or in the front under the weapon arm. One would think that you would want something like that in the back out of the way, however, fencers are historically really good cheaters. When there was no ruling on where the clip would be, most fencers put it the back out of the way. Clever fencers would during the lunge, use their off weapon hand (the one not in a glove) to unclip themselves, for the attack, then reclip themselves on the recovery. The reason was, that any hit the opponent made would appear off target.

Rule makers always trying to keep up with cheaters created the rule that the clip should be in the front, under the weapon arm. They will allow it in the back also so long as it is forward of the center line of the lame. I'll talk more about cheating in another chapter.

Foil, like epee is a point weapon. Foil, like Saber is a right-of-way weapon. Because of this, traditional schools start all students in foil first. Historically, everyone started with foil. Boys and men were split between the three weapons based on their size, and speed. Women stayed with foil because the other weapons were too heavy, or brutal for their frail feminine frames. (Ha!) Today male or female can fence anything they want. If a coach steers them in one direction or the other it will be for two reason. First because the coach specializes in one weapon (when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail). Second the coach has figured out how the student thinks and steers them toward the weapon that is more fitting to their personality.

A foil fencer is balanced and tactically minded. They are chess players, even if they don't play chess. A good foil fencer is thinking three steps ahead of their opponent as well as their own actions. When they open with the attack, they are (or should be) thinking about their own counter-riposte.

As foil is a point weapon, attacks lead with the point, typically strait in. Even when they are disengaging, cutting over, or coming back on target, the point leads. One of the arguable exceptions to this is the flick attack. The flick attack changes things but only to a degree. In a normal attack the point leads the weapon in a relatively strait and forward line. In the flick, the point travels in an arch more like a whip than an arrow. However, at the point of impact, the point is still strait on target, even if its path was arcing to get there. Of course, if it is done wrong, the person getting hit by it doesn't get a point against them, they get a bruise. The flick is a more advanced attack that fails more often than it succeeds, and the rule makers are striving find ways to limit its use for the sake of the game. If you want to attack with an arc, you would have fenced saber to begin with.

Foil requires 500 grams of pressure to score a touch on valid target. Valid target is the shiny part. A hit anywhere else scores an off target hit, which is signified by a white light on the scoring box. A white light stops the action, but doesn't give the fencer a touch. Only foil offers the "off target hit". The referee calls right-of-way just like they always did, if fencer"A" has right-of-way and hits off target, the action stops there, no touch is awarded and the fencers begin again from wherever they were halted. The referee will signify "center is here", the fencers line up extension distance from that line wherever it might be.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 8:32 AM | Permalink

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 2:47 PM | Permalink

The most difficult part of watching foil and saber is dealing with the concept of "right of way". In principal it is very simple. Foil and Saber are modeled after dueling to the death. The target area is limited to places where you could die if run through in that location. For instance, torso where we keep our vital organs, and in saber head where we keep our brain, and arms which are prone to being loped off. The idea is that if two armed combatants came at one another with sharpened steal for truth and justice, one would attack, the other, (that one not wanting to die) would defend themselves (parry), then strike out on an attack of their own (riposte). The overriding goal is I kill you, you die, I go home alive with a cute woman (or man) on my arm.

If combatant "A" attacked combatant "B", and "B" did nothing but attack right back, then when the dust settled, both would be dead, but one of them would have been a bigger fool for not defending himself. Right-of-way attempts to reward the smart (with a point), while punishing the not so smart (no touch).

But modern right-of-way weapons are not lethal, and we've gone out of our ways to protect the fencer from accidents with the hot white clothing and blades that bend. In a modern bout you might see fencer "A" "have at" fencer "B", while fencer "B" goes back at fencer "A". As the spectator you see both fencers get hit, and the box indicates a double touch, yet the referee only gives fencer "A" a point. You and everyone around you saw the other light go off too, and if you were looking closely, it might have even gone off first. The referee is applying the rules of right of way, "A" attacked first, "B" didn't defend. Both hit, "A" was the attacker, and hit on target, both got a light, but only the attacker "A" got a point.

Both the federation of international fencing, called the FIE (Federation International Escreme, the world fencing org's official language is French), and the USFA (The United States Fencing Association) are constantly trying to do things to make the right of way weapons more understandable to the at home audience. Most of these attempts deal with the timing between the hit fencer "A" landed and the hit fencer "B" landed. The problem is this. If "A" starts first, he/she has right of way, but if fencer "B" lands first, their light goes off first. If the lockout timing on the box is too short the box shows fencer "B" having the only hit. If the lockout timing is long enough to acknowledge the slower attack, you have a bunch of double touches. Most people who have been fencing for a long time bemoan the new rules as watering down the right of way weapons into epee. While they are right in a sense, they aren't offering up any solutions to how to make the right of way weapons easier to watch by the non-fencers at home or in the stands. What seems to work best (for TV anyway) is the slow instant replay where the announcer can break down the actions showing right of way as they go. This is nothing more than wishful thinking when you are watching it live. Live you have to first listen to the referee's replay of the last action, and second also most important take his word for it. That is really the hardest part. The referee is only human and what you see might not be what they saw, worse yet, they might actually be wrong. However they are the referee and cannot be "wrong". Therefore a smart fencer is paying attention to the referee's calls. If the referee isn't seeing what the fencer thinks they are doing, they are responsible for trying something else. After the bout, the fencers, fans, etc can cry moan and complain about the blind referee. If the referee's reputation gets bad enough in the right circles, they will find themselves doing less and less refereeing. Refereeing is as political a game as being a Supreme Court Judge, only without the pay or real authority.

Now, to try and spot the right of way yourself. Look for the fencer whose weapon is moving forward threatening valid target first. The difficulty level is this it is independent of the body's movement. You can be on the attack and still be moving backwards. It takes training of the eye to see what is the attack and what isn't. It might have been easier if the blades started from some place of stillness, but no, that would be too easy, the weapons are waving all through the air in every direction fencers are moving up and down the strip and through it all you have to be able to notice the moment one of the fencer's weapons moves forward threatening valid target. But wait! There's more, I didn't even mention how the other fencer is reacting! Did they counterattack? Did they defend themselves? To see it, and get it, you have to break it down like you used to break down sentences in school.
Fencer "A" attacks, fencer "B" counterattacks. Two lights go off. Fencer "A" has the attack, because they initiated the attack. Point "A".

Fencer "A" attacks, fencer "B" uses their blade to parry the attack, and they immediately reposted. Fencer "A" had the attack, fencer "B" took it away when they parried, their immediate riposte gave them right-of-way, one hit, one light for "B", point "B".

Fencer "A" attacks, fencer "B" uses their blade to parry the attack, and they immediately reposted, fencer "A" continues in and hits anyway. Fencer "A" had the attack, fencer "B" took it away when they parried, their immediate riposte gave them right-of-way. There are two lights, because both fencers hit, but we can pretty much ignore fencer "A" continuation because fencer "B" had right of way, and fencer "B" hit. Point "B".

Fencer "A" attacks, fencer "B" uses their blade to parry the attack, and they immediately reposted but misses, fencer "A" continues in and hits anyway. Fencer "A" had the attack, fencer "B" took it away when they parried, their immediate riposte gave them right-of-way. But there is only one light because "B" missed. Since only "A" hit, "A" gets the touch.

Does your head hurt yet? Just wait!

Fencer "A" attacks, fencer "B" uses their blade to parry the attack, they immediately reposted but, fencer "A" parries back and counter riposte. Fencer "A" had the attack, fencer "B" took it away when they parried, their immediate riposte gave them right-of-way, but fencer "A" parried them taking right-of-way back. Fencer "A"'counter riposte misses, fencer "B"s continuation misses, Fencer "A" pulls back and tries again with a remise. Fencer "B" pulls back and tries again with a remise. Both hit. Before you go get two aspirin, the breakdown isn't all that bad. "A" had it and lost it. "B" had it and lost it. "A" had it and missed. "B" had it and missed. "A" tried again and hit. "B" tried again and hit. "A" gets the touch.

Don't forget, to take a full eight ounces of water with your headache remedy. While you're away, think about the poor referee who has to keep up with all that all day long during a tournament.

In an oversimplified way then, right-of-way is like taking turns, the difference is that instead of giving someone their turn, you are taking it from them. So foil and saber fencing is a lot like pre-school, only you are encouraged not to share, and no one gets nap time.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 11:28 AM | Permalink

Sara said that if I woke up and Arthur was still there, we would go to urgent care. He was, so we did. Tuffalupagus was bloody in bad places, so on the way we dropped her off at kitty urgent care. I half expected the car to explode or something on the way, or maybe that was just Arthur.

My blood pressure was 168/95 I am pretty sure that this can be translated into psi because the doc told me I had the blood pressure of a healthy radial. Now, did the pain make the blood pressure, or did the blood pressure make the pain?

Who knows?

I got something for the pain, and orders to not fence or think for a week. Now that the pills have kicked in I know why. I don't know where my blood psi is but my head is in the clouds and Arthur is astral projecting.

I need a nap. And maybe coffee. Or maybe a diet coke. I can't seem to tell and I am not sure what my caring level is.

See you in my dreams where I left you last night with me, who was me, only I wasn't. There was also a vampire cult filled with non-vampires and some some heroics I probably need to get back to. Good sleepy times.

PS Tuffalupagus is OK, just an urinary tract infection.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 1:30 PM | Permalink

I said I wasn't going to do it again, I tried to get out, but they just keep dragging me back in.

Last year we had the largest team, and turned out a piece of work so strong I scarcely believe even now it could have been done in only 48 hours, but it did, and I was there. It was a piece strong enough that this year, we are refered to as "that professional team". I don't know wether to be flattered or insluted. We had over 50 on the team and only three had ever seen a real movie set before. So at that rate we're what 7% professional? At only 7% professional, calling us professional sounds like a dismissel, worse it sounds like sour grapes. I don't know what the deal is, we didn't win best over all, we didn't even take home the most awards.

At any rate, we are not that team anymore. We are half the team we used to be infact. Even though I have been dragged back kicking and screaming, it was on my terms. I am not going to hold the microphone this year. Last year I did a really lously job, so lously infact that we haven't even found the microphone yet. When last I saw it, it was on its way to the post house where they were going to re-record all of the sound I had recorded. (If that isn't bad, what is?)

This year, I am going to help Mark and team write, act if Ike has a place for me, and I suppose help Cameron out with the Art department. I can move stuff. I know what stuff looks like. Maybe this year will be fun. Last year was rewarding, but not so fun for me. Although it is always a pleasure being killed by Ike and Cameron. Its almost tradition.

Don't think I was going to be completely uninvolved. Oh no, I got a major boost in hits when I reviewed the shorts shown these past three years. I was going to review my butt off. Oderint Dum Metuant

The 48 Hour Film Project is August 3rd through August 5th. PIck up and drop off are 5:30-7PM at Rum Runners on 212 South Elm St. The movies will premier August 11th at Carolina Theatre at 310 South Elm st.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 1:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

My head hurts. It hurt Sunday, I don't remember much about Monday, but it hurt Tuesday in the morning, and it hurt Tuesday at bed time. It hurt Wednesday when I woke up, and it hurt when Sara sent me to bed rather than to work. She gave me something for it, it didn't cure it so much as put it in a little bubble out there just over my left temple, its out there...waiting...

The first, second, third, and fourth times a headache put me down like this, I attributed it to altitude sickness, and don't you worry, I WAS sick. Woody's don't do great heights well, especially when they are overweight. The last time I had a headache like this Maestro Beguinet was in town and I foolishly thought I could keep up with him. That was a bad weekend even after I got home in the dark and quiet of bed.

Now this. I haven't done anything, I am no more overweight than I ever was, and I have performed no miraculous feats of strength, or endurance. The only thing worse than a headache is one without reason.

I'm going back to bed. Arthur will keep me company.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 1:28 PM | Permalink

Saturday the 14th Salle New Bern hosted a Bastille Day fencing event in a beautiful park on the Neuse river. Those of you who remember me and heat related illness, remember that my heat management is awful. Or to put it in geekier terms, I have a single heat sink in my head, where I really need two double clan heat sinks in my legs. Should Woody 2.0 ever go into production, you can be sure this will be a design change for the better (so long as the engine, weapons, and armor budget holds out).

Honestly, I probably wouldn't have even tried to fence in this tournament, but my parents live so close to the event, and they have never seen me fence before. I set mom and dad up under a canopy, gave dad my camera and tripod and let them have their own experience with my world.

In my pools I won two and lost two. My first bout was against the tournament's only "C" rated fencer. It was two bouts later, watching him fence I realize that he was left handed. Bummer.
If you are interested, here are all of my results in this tournament.

Heat management in the morning was well, I had been super hydrating over the previous week and I literally sloshed when I walked. I was sweating well, I had plenty to drink, and the breeze from the Neuse was very cooling. After pools, I stripped down and cooled in preparation for the results and direct elimination. I came out of pools 7th out of 20, which is right where I like to be, and I got a bye in the first round. My first direct elimination bout was against as our luck always has it a fencer from my own club. It never fails. I ended up against Jim who came out of pools 10th. Jim started with my club but has moved on to get extra instruction from one of the local Maestros. What this translates into is Jim can take my lunch money on the strip any time and any place he chooses. It is a good thing. I don't get better if I don't have to be better, know what I mean. Plus as he puts it, as one of his first coaches, even if I lose against him, I win as a coach. Nice. :)

The first thing I noticed in pools was he was holding back and playing it safe. Against a better fencer this is a good idea, against me, it is a strange decision. All of his hits were within a three inch circle on the right side of my chest next to my shoulder joint. All of my touches were on random places from his hand to his shoulder, except for two hail Mary's on center mass. The score stayed close, and once or twice I even managed to tie up the score. The end result was he ended the match with a double touch 13-15, and my day was done. At first I wondered why he was holding back so much letting the score stay so close. It was a dangerous ploy as accidents do happen, and I might have gotten some surprise touches using the Daffy Duck effect. I had hoped he was simply conserving energy for his next bout, which is very smart. It was only later it dawned on me that he was keeping it close on purpose so my parents would get a good show. That was mighty thoughtful of him. I think I might owe him a beer for that.

After fencing I went off to dress down in the restroom. While there, I suddenly went from heat condition nominal to heat condition high. I don't know why exactly for at that particular moment I was wearing only my undies and a moisture wicking shirt. Either way, I got my shorts and shoes on in a hurry and got back out in the breeze. I knew there was a heat problem because suddenly my head starts pounding, my face gets very flush, and all the heat tries to dissipate out of my head, but there simply isn't enough surface area to do it effectively.

On the way back to the shade of the camp and the care of my "personal health care specialist". I ran into a school mate from elementary school and her children. When I found out that there was a fencing event in New Bern, I invited her to bring her kids so they could see fencing. It isn't like they can exactly watch it on ESPN's sport center. As I was finished fencing I was able to stand with them and talk about what they were seeing. I think it was educational, I don't know that they are clamoring to sign up, but at least they won't ever have to say, "What the heck are they doing?" <-- Someone asked my mother that exact question earlier in the day.

Of course there are pictures...

Bastille Day

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 10:18 AM | Permalink

On the internet you can exist in ways you don't realize. You can strive to build an alternative "Net Identity", or you can embrace it and be who you are in all places. Often regardless of what you try to accomplish for your net identity, there are always connections made that you don't realize or intend. Just the other day someone called me on my cell phone who thought I sold fence. Sell a man a fence, and he is defended for a day, teach a man to fence and he is defended his whole lifetime.

Many of the internet youth, have learned or are learning that nothing on the internet is every truly anonymous. They imagine or imagined that the internet is so big their college exploits will fall into the void and no one will ever see it again. Not so they are learning, as the megacorps are scanning myspace, facebook, and others seeking information necessary to decide, "Do we want this person working for us." The lawyers will argue, and rightly so, that the less information that exist about you, the more doors are open to you. IE, nothing said off hand is going to bite you in the behind 20 years later when you run for public office. On the other hand, if you avoid drugs, prostitutes, or earning yourself a headline on Fark, it seems no one really cares what you do with your free time. Its also probably a pretty good idea to avoid talking about your workplace, and coworkers in general. Yes, people really do have enough free time on their hands to make a hobby of trying to find dirt on you for nefarious gains. Why make it easy for them. All hobbies should be a challenge, both the wholesome ones as well as the petty ones.

From early on I took the attitude that I am who I am both physically and in the electrons. I have nothing to hide, and I am not ashamed of who I am. Sure I have things I am not proud of, but the more people try to hide things like that the faster they seem to see the light of day. Ask any politician.

Part of my reasoning was for the future. I expect to make friends and acquaintances both live and electronically, and I see no reason why there should be a line between them. Part of my reasoning was also the past. I have had many friends and acquaintances in my past that have slipped away from me, due to moving, moving on, growing up, and just plain changes of taste and disposition. For those, I have an interest in reconnecting with. I am not saying picking up the friendship that died on the elementary school playground, but wouldn't it be neat to know that they are doing well, have a spouse and a family, and are doing something they enjoy?

For that reason I leave these internet bread crumbs, better known as blog entries under my own name. Anyone who wants to find me, need only look me up in their favorite search engine. Others looking for things and places near to me may stumble upon me, and go "Hey! I know that guy!"

And that is how Chris and I reconnected. As it turns he also left the untamed wilds of Carteret County to seek his fortune in IT, by pure coincidence his life also lead him to Greensboro. By amazing coincidence he works about a block from where I work.

Pretty cool huh? Hi Chris!

All we have to do now is avoid witches with a penchant for baked architecture and we're home free.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 12:17 PM | Permalink

In Part One we discussed the generals of a fencing tournament. In part two we are going to talk about one style of fencing and the trials and tribulations of trying to watch it.

Swords for dummies. Or as we like to say in fencing "Epee". Yep, that word that keeps turning up in the crossword puzzles is the easiest of the three weapons to watch. We like to say that all you need to referee epee is thumbs (to use the timer). Then we spend the better part of a half hour likening which ever epee referee is closest to a certain simian president.

The epee while visually the largest and most imposing of the weapons, in reality it is analogous to the least deadly form of dueling. It is modeled after rapier dueling to first blood. The epee is about a meter long and weights about a pound. It takes 750 grams of pressure to push the button on the tip and score. While it does require the hardest hit of the three weapons, it still isn't all that much, yet bruising may occur, and will be about the size of a quarter. The width of the blade and the largeness of the bell guard makes it appear much larger and heavier than it actually is. The extra large bell guard is there to protect the weapons hand which is valid target in epee.

In epee, everything is valid target. From the top of the head, to the bottom of the foot, hit it first and you get a point. Hit it at the same time your opponent hits you, and you get a point. The only way not to get a point in epee is to hit last, or miss entirely. For this reason, a good epee fencer will attempt to hit what is closest to them and if they miss, they try to hit the next thing down the line, hand, wrist, elbow, bicep, shoulder, knee, chest, head, foot, back shoulder, back arm, back wrist, back hand and so on. All you have to do is hit them before they hit you.

In watching the bouts among epee fencers. You will notice that the fencers are generally patient and will more likely counter attack than attack. They want their opponent's closest target as close to them as possible without giving anything up. When a fencer attacks they are bringing their weapon arm closer to their opponent, and thus, bring their target closer. The referee is watching for rule breaking and stepping off of the strip. The modern scoring box stops the clock and advances the score with each hit, meaning the referee only needs to press "start" on the remote when they say "fence". With older scoring boxes, they would still prefer to use a timer and scoring person to keep up with the stop watch and clip board. The only lights seen are red and green, each signifies a point to one fencer or the other.

Epee bouts tend to last a while, and it is not unheard of in epee for time to run out before either fencer reaches the number of touches necessary to win the bout. In the case of a tie, the referee flips a coin. The winner of the coin toss has what is called "priority". They then fence for a minute, if no one scores in that minute, the one with priority wins the bout. During regulation time it is possible to get a double touch, where each fencer hits at the same time, and both get a point. The only exceptions to this are in the case of a tie, or during the priority minute. In those cases a single touch by one fencer is necessary to win.

The best hits in epee are those that you don't see. These hits are quick and precise hits to the bottom of the hand and wrist that don't appear at fencing speed to have hit anything, yet the light does not lie.

The truth is the light does lie. The bell guard of each weapon is wired into the system such that hits to the bell guard won't cause a touch to be scored unless, there is rust, tape, finger nail polish, etc to keep the tip from making electrical contact with the bell. Meanwhile, the floor can be a problem. The wiring of the epee allows for a touch to be scored anytime the tip is depressed unless it is pushed against something that is wired into the circuit. At high level tournaments the epee fencers fence on metallic surfaces that are wired to the score box. A hit to the floor in these circumstances would not cause the light to signal a touch. At most tournaments, the hosts cannot afford to buy the metallic fencing surfaces so the referees are counted on to throw out any touches that are accidentally scored against the floor. A smart fencer won't try to make toe touches in these circumstances. An unethical fencer will because it is possible they could bluff their way into a free touch. Often at lower level tournaments the you may hear the fencers call "floor" after a touch, either to say that they hit the floor or to say their opponent did. Fencers may request, and referees may assign "floor judges". These are usually two people who have agreed to stand at each end of the strip and watch for errant hits against the floor, tables, chairs, bystanders, etc.

To find the epee in a room, look for the fencers who are wearing their fencing whites with no extra equipment like shiny vest, jackets, or masks. They will be the ones who look the most comfortable and relaxed.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 12:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

With the amazingly successful release of the spectacular new level of technology and geekdom known as the iphone, I am left basking in new found fortune. I thank you proud iphone owners each and every one. Were it not for you kicking out five and six hundred dollars for the coolest phone on the planet, the second coolest phone on the planet would never have dropped into the range of affordable to me. Plus, by the time that iphone generation two has dropped in price to the point I could afford it, it will be time to upgrade again anyway.

I have been assimilated. I am now of the Blackberry clan. I not only own a Curve, but I have in one purchase eliminated all of the gear I was having to carry around in a ThinkGeek Gadget Hip Holster. But don't worry, the Curve fits very snuggly in the pockets provided by my previous ThinkGeek purchase. I no longer have to carry a phone, camera, mp3 player, and reader. The Curve does it all, and more.

Finally, the interwebs are mine, if only as fast as the edge network allows, it still feels faster than dial up. And yeah, I can chat in the car while Sara drives. Cool...

So have a drink iphone owners and smile smuggly at yourselves in the pub mirror while you impress the people around you with your iphones. You've made me a very happy monkey too.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 12:41 PM | Permalink

Think Geek had me at "Han Solo". Their Gadget Hip Holster, was a must have, if for no other reason that it reminded me so darned much of Han Solo's holster in A New Hope.

It promised to hold all of the things a geek on the go would want to carry, and I certainly needed that. Keeping up with an mp3 player, camera, phone, and reader is hard enough, but when I want to keep some mints close at hand, and my multi-tool ever ready it is downright difficult. This product promised to solve all of my on the go needs.

Then it arrived. I'll be the first to admit, I was disappointed. It was so small, and my needs were so big. I strapped it around my waist and leg (leg straps are sexy). Sara spent the next half hour teasing me about throwing money away for something that makes me look like some sort of rebel smuggler wannabe. I took it off and put it down. I spent much time seriously considering sending it back. It occurred to me however, that it might be a good strip bag for fencing. It could hold small tools and things I would take to strip with me at a fencing tournament.

The next day I wore it around empty while I thought it over. I wasn't sure it would hold any of my fencing tools either. On a whim I attempted to stick my cell phone in the cell phone pocket. the pocket stretched out easily to accommodate it, the back half of the phone stuck out, but it was secure, even though the pocket was orientated horizontally so the opening was on the side.
Huh. Nifty. Later on, I thought I would stick my Palm Tungsten C hard case and all in the PDA pocket. The pocket not only stretched to accommodate it, it held it secure, and surprisingly didn't look like I was stuffing a lawn and leaf bag with cardboard boxes. It looked made to fit. Next thing I know I even have my digital camera securely tucked away in the pouch with two outer pockets as yet unused.

I haven't been anywhere without it since then. This thing is amazing, and I recommend it to geeks on the go. It holds the big things, it holds the small things, it is going to hold my Buckaroo Banzai special order pen, it is comfortable, and best of all, I look damn good in it.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 12:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

It sounds funny when you say it like that, but each July Fourth, we Americans do just that. We don't think of it that way, we think to ourselves "Yeah USA, we rule!" but we must not forget that for every winner there is a loser. Just saying...

At any rate, we went to a very good party, where we hung out with some very good friends, ate really good food, drank really good drinks, watched some really good fireworks, and were on our way home again by 10pm. When did we collectively become old? We didn't even have to roll any drunk Canadians out of the fire. Come to think of it, we didn't even have a fire.

Here's some pictures of the fireworks.

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 11:00 AM | Permalink

Walking into a fencing tournament for the first time can be very daunting, especially for spectators. With ball sports you have certain expectations. You sit here, that team all wears the same color and are over there, the other team wears a completely different color and they are opposite the first team. All you really have to do is watch the ball, glance at the scoreboard, and listen to the announcer. Fencing is almost exactly like that, except for the fact that it isn’t. You won’t know for sure where to sit, everyone is wearing white, some are wearing iridescent vest while others are wearing iridescent jackets. There is no announcer, and if there is a scoreboard at all, the whole thing is about eight inches tall by twenty inches wide, and they are scattered all over the place. This document will hopefully explain enough to allow you to follow along without burying you in the history, trivia, and vocabulary that you are probably constantly surrounded by already by knowing a fencer to begin with.

Part One: The Basics
Seating for ball sports is easy, you sit up in the stands to the left and the right of the action looking down on the playing field. The best seats are in the middle, and they cost the most. The good news is that in America, watching a fencing tournament is completely free. The bad news is that you will most likely need to bring your own chair, and figure out for yourself where to sit where you can watch a strip without being in the way. You cannot sit between strips. Strips are typically setup with two close together, with a largish space on either side. The scoring boxes will go in the narrow space and the referees get the big open spaces. You may not walk between the referee and their strip. With the larger space often so small that the referees have to stand back to back to work there is no way to get a “good seat” at most tournaments. To make matters worse, what space is left over will likely be taken up by the fencers themselves, and their long bags, coolers, other bags, and personal chairs (assuming the fencer isn’t laying out flat on the floor between bouts). Apart from that there are no hard and fast rules about finding a place to sit. Fencing tournaments held in basketball gyms have bleachers, however if the bleachers are the kind that can be pushed against the wall, tournament organizers will often do it to increase the space available for fencing strips themselves.

The fencing strip (also known as a piste) is 14 meters long and around 2 meters wide. It is divided with a minimum of four lines. The “en guard” lines are each 2 meters from the center of the strip and fencing starts here at the beginning of each bout and after each point scored. 1.5 meters from the end of each strip is a line defining a box (often with an “X” in it). This is called the warning box. The warning is that you are about to back off the end of the strip. If you see a fencer step off of the end of the strip, it is handled much like a safety in football. The person is penalized by leaving the rear edge of the playing area by a point being awarded to the other. Both feet must leave the end of the strip before they are out of bounds. There is also a penalty for leaving the side of the strip. This penalty is the loss of one meter by the offending fencer. If you step off of the side of the strip in the warning box, you are very likely going to find yourself losing a meter right off of the back of the strip. This is the same penalty as walking off of it on your own power.

Each strip has a scoring box which at the most basic has four large lights and a couple of small lights. The major lights will be red, green, and two clear ones. The minor ones will be yellow. Each side of the box will have a colored light, a clear light, and a little yellow light. At the most fancy, the box will have those lights, plus a score board, a timer, and a few small red lights that keep up with penalties, priority, and other like things that won’t be nearly as important to you as it is to the fencer.
Each strip will also have a referee and if he or she is very lucky a scorekeeper as well. At a low level event the fencers may have to take turns refereeing. At good low level events the referee is wearing street cloths because they aren’t also fencing. At a good event, the referees will be wearing navy blue blazers. The referee determines who is awarded the touch and administers penalties as needed.

The fencers when called to the strip will first hook themselves into the scoring system, this is the long spring loaded cord that connects them to the scoring box. As they move the spring in the reel takes up the slack so they don’t trip over the cord should they suddenly run backwards. The next thing the fencers will do is wait to have their weapon inspected by the referee. If it is their first bout the referee may check to make sure that their equipment has all the proper inspection marks and that they are wearing it. They make sure that there is a clip to keep the body cord plugged into the socket. In epee and foil they check to make sure the weapon’s tip can support the required weight, in epee they make sure that the tip passes a “shim test”. If the weapon fails any of these various test, it is confiscated for the duration of the bout, and the fencer has to get their backup weapon. The USFA rule book requires that each fencer bring to strip two body cords, and two weapons. In practicality, you will see fencers bring several body cords and as many weapons as they can afford/carry.

In a tournament only two fencers can fence on a strip at one time, so event organizers have as many strips set up as they have room for. In a small space this may be only three strips. They might only have one event going on at once and if they have a good turn out there may be upwards of 40 fencers all waiting to fence. That is a lot of people milling around in a small space with three scoring boxes beeping and lighting up all at once. At Division II/III summer nationals in Miami in 2007, there were 96 strips and 4500 fencers. If only two fencer can fence on a strip at any given time and there are 96 strips than there are only 192 fencers fencing at any given time. For this reason Summer Nationals is a ten day event. The noise of 96 beeping boxes, the flashing of cameras, 96 boxes, and the milling around of that many people make large events almost overwhelming for the most seasoned veterans. For this reason and several others a system of hand signals is used by the referees to make calls and award points.

Most tournaments follow a similar format with one set of “pools” followed by direct elimination. Other sports have pools too, but they have another name for it. They call it “a season”, and it usually takes months. As fencers sign up they declare their rankings which determine an estimate of their skill level. Most fencers are unrated. The next highest rating is “E”, then “D”, then “C”, then “B” and finally “A”. Event organizers will look at the number of fencers they have, the number of available strips they have and create a number of pools where the size and strength of skill level are roughly equal. Each fencer has to fence every other fencer in their pool in five touch bouts (or three minutes which ever comes first). Once finished, the organizers will count up for each fencer, how many wins, how many losses, how many touches scored, how many touches received and finally indicator. The indicator is the number of touches scored, minus the number of touches received. This number could be positive or negative, positive being better. Once done with this for each pool they will go to each pool and compare the fencers with the most wins. The person with the most wins is first, when there are pools where the winner in each had the same number of wins, they look next to indicators. The fencer with the most wins and the highest indicator is in first place. They then go down the list, first by wins, and second by indicators until everyone has a place from first to last. Sometimes two fencers will have the same number of wins, same indicator, same number of touches scored, and finally same number of touches received. When this happens, there is nothing else to do but make them tied. That place will have a “T” beside it to show that it is tied, and they will skip the next lowest place number. For instance. 1st, 2nd, 3rdT, 3rdT, 5th etc.

Once this grand total of the results is figured out, they can then place the fencers on a direct elimination tableau just like you see in all of the other sports out there. The tableau comes in different sizes to fit your needs. Organizers use the tableau that holds everyone. If there are 8 a tableau of 8 is used. If there are 9, a tableau of 12 has to be used. Everyone has their place on the tableau, and the first place will fence against the last place on the tableau. In the example of 8, the number 1 fencer would fence the number 8 fencer. If there are nine fencers they have to use the 12 tableau, so the first three places get a “bye” and don’t have to fence the first round at all. The reward of placing high is fencing easy bouts. The penalty for placing low is having to fence someone much better than you. The bouts to watch in the first rounds are those in the middle because the fencers there are evenly matched and thus the fencing is exciting to watch and there is no clear winner going in. All direct elimination bouts are to 15 touches. The format is three - three minute periods of fencing, with a one minute break between each. If the bout is going very quickly and one fencer reaches 8 before the end of the first period, the referee will often allow a one minute break. (Usually as an opportunity for the losing fencer’s coach to impart some much needed wisdom.) Note, a single person may approach the fencer to bring them water and a pep talk, but no more than one may come to visit.

Stay tuned for part two in the series "How to Watch Fencing: The Weapons"

Posted by Woody Cavenaugh at 4:10 PM | Permalink