Blogging Baby
At first I thought that there would be no way I would blog about baby. I mean, heck I can hardly find time to blog even without a baby lately. Plus some of the other dads who blog about their little ones are...well, they kinda come off like pansies. There's no doubt that daddies get wrapped around little baby fingers, but do they have to get all mushy about it. Its like one day they're guys in the sports bar yelling at the TV screen, and they next they put on a little floral bonnet and wax on about how their lives are more complete by the addition of that perfect bundle of joy.
*gag* Keep it to yourself fellers. That wasn't fair. Keep doing it, it is your experience and your muse, but don't be insulted if I personally don't get into it. Everyone's experience is different, and all of them are equally important. People will gravitate to the stories that more closely match their own.
Recently I read this guy, and realized that here was a daddy dude speaking my language. I read his stuff and I learned. I learned a lot. Some of it magic, and some of it tragic. Little girls are strange creatures who can't pee standing up.
Suddenly, I found my own muse. I don't even have the baby yet, but it impacts my life daily and some of those stories may be an inspiration to others. First of all, it is an "it" until the day I get to hold "it", at that time "it" graduates into "she" because we know already that once it is born "it" will (or is supposed to) be a she.
It interacts with us through kicks and punches. Sara and I enjoy playing the remote game. We put the remote on Sara's belly, and It kicks it off. Sara's just thrilled that it is playing along, but I'm secretly keeping track of distance records. It is possible the baby has inherited my super strength. This could be important to know come baby proofing time.
Another game that is based on the remote game is the spill mamma's coffee game, the spill mamma's root beer game, and the river dance in mamma's torso game. All of these games are fun, and we have only had a few bruises and small burns from it. Mostly on mamma's torso.
At this moment we're five days from our scheduled "launch", and have just gotten back from the OB. Sara's dilated fully 1cm and is 75% effaced. What this means is that baby sets her own schedule and no one has any real clue when she's going to make her dramatic entrance. Mamma and baby's bag has been packed and in the car for over a week now, and the other day I installed the car seat base. "It" might be in charge of choosing its birthday, but I won't be caught unprepared. It is bad enough knowing that "It" will likely choose the middle of the freakin' night to make its appearance, my pants not only will be down when I get caught, they will be off entirely. This cannot be helped.
My job at the baby launch is to keep an eye on the hospital folks that don't understand the words "natural birth". They have an epidural that keeps mom's from feeling pain, we have an acupuncturist. They have a drug that is almost a copy of a drug that mother's make naturally to help kick off contractions. We know that mom's make the real thing naturally, and if she needs more, its just a different set of needles from the acupuncturist. They will try to tell us about pain, we'll tell them to hush up because she's trying to listen to her hypno birth CD. They might try to scare us with stories of things that "could happen". We'll only worry about if it DOES happen. What luck! if it does happen we're in a hospital surrounded by people who just want to do whatever it is that they do. They just don't get to do it unless it is necessary for them to do so. Easier, faster, completely painless, these are not the ways of the Jedi.
I've always found it ironic that the hospitals want you to get the drugs and the needles and the scheduled elective c-section, but they expect daddy to cut the cord. I think they have it all backwards. We've been having babies without any medical help at all for anywhere from 6000 to several million years depending on your religious affiliation. Why they think they are so necessary after only a hundred or so years on the baby delivery scene is beyond me. In my perfect dream world "it" will be born turn to me and say, "Give me my sword father, I must cut my cord." I understand this is fairly unlikely, I mean she won't even be able to hold her own head up let alone raise a sword. That's why the Doctor is there, to cut the cord for her. Oh, and in case something goes wrong. If something goes wrong we will need and want professional medical care. Duh. I'm not an idiot.
I read a lot of talk about how so many fewer babies and mother's die because of things like drugs and c-sections. I also hear about how of all the first world countries the US is one of the highest in infant mortality. I believe that the US probably leads the world in conception and high risk pregnancies because we have technology to overcome what other countries, even developed ones would call, "impossible to conceive/come to term" pregnancies. I'm not anti-doctor, I'm pro let nature take its course unless it can't THEN pull out the super science. You don't bully us into an epidural and I won't demand you install a laser cannon into her left arm.
Although a laser cannon would be really handy...
