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Department of Nonstandard Beverages

This should
not be.

Pepsi Blue was, and is, an absolute debacle. There can be no excuse for a beverage which resembles windshield washer fluid actually tasting like windshield washer fluid, unless it is windshield washer fluid. I have not discounted the possibility. I keep an almost-full bottle of the stuff on my office windowsill as a personal object lesson. PepsiCo should have realized that the reason Mountain Dew Code Red worked is that (a) it kept the caffeinated geek target demographic nicely hydrated and (b) it did not taste like a--.

Having actually tasted the vile Pepsi Blue, I now have an irrational compulsion to try every other Weird Variant Carbonated Beverage to see if it can get any worse. I can report that 7-Up's new "Remix" with citrus flavors merely tastes odd and sugary, like transparent cotton candy. Mountain Dew's new orange "Live Wire" soda tastes like -- orange soda -- with maybe a hint of Mountain Dewishness in the background.

I'm a meat and potatoes guy. I like my lawns grassy, clean and devoid of pampas grass. I like my clothes simple and my entertainment as David Lynch-free as possible. I really ought to work on that, and develop more sophisticated tastes.

But is it too much to ask for a 7-Up to taste like, well, 7-Up?


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"I am not gonna eat blue food!"
--"True Love" (which, if you haven't seen, you should rent)