December 4, 2004

PSA: Sugar Free Jelly Belly

Just a warning to those who snack on jelly beans: DO NOT EAT THE SUGAR-FREE JELLY BELLIES!
You remember the ultra-gnasty jelly beans released for Harry Potter? These are worse, and not even branded with a large red-and-white label warning the consumer that what they're about to eat will erode their very soul and will to live.

How can I impart to you how terrible these things are? It is not that they have a peculiar flavor not associated with candy that surprises you the first time you eat it. Some taste that is acquired and after a time(like good vodka, cognac, or beer) even savored? No, these taste like the dirty ass of someone who ran a marathon through the amazon jungle in nothing but wooly running shorts after consuming 2 lbs. of collards, 1/8 lb. of garlic, 1/4 lb. lindberger, and sucked the yolk out of 3.5 robin's eggs. That's about as close as I can imagine it, but even then, I think it falls short of the vulgarity that the taste these jelly beans possess.

I'd rather have a carby-filled roast reef sandwich than these, any day. Ugh...

Posted by Jeffrey at December 4, 2004 12:48 PM
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